But I would hate to deny you the laughs that I got when I read the "breakup" email. So here you go, enjoy.
I apologize for the way I've handled things with you, I should've been honest with myself and you much earlier than now. I don't see us going anywhere romantically. We don't have a huge amount in common and we live a fair ways distant from one another. You're cool and quite attractive, but it's time for me to get my act together and start setting more realistic standards besides just "This girl is hot, let's see where it goes."
We could still be friends if you want. Actually, most of my close friends right now are women I've met online (not necessarily through dating sites). It can be hard to develop real trust in that sort of friendship, but it just takes time. I like to take my time when I'm getting to know someone anyway.
I'm sorry I've neglected to write to you for so long. That wasn't nice or mature. I just needed to sit down and use my brain to figure out what the problem was so I could tell you the truth. It wasn't that hard, I just avoided doing it out of some kind of childish cowardice. Having said that, I'll understand if you'd rather not bother with the whole friends thing.
So yeah, I'm figuring none of this is a huge shock to you, and I'm also figuring that you'll have no trouble finding a better man than me to date if you look in the right places. Like eHarmony. I didn't have any luck there because I was below the standards of all the women I showed interest in, but I don't see you having the same problem.
Good luck, Holly!"
There may be someone out there for me, but probably not. If he is, then he will have to find me and convince me I should be dating. In the mean time I will continue my hermit ways.