Monday, August 31, 2015

My Sister Has a Twin...or The Crazy Things Found at Antique Stores

So my sister has a twin....kinda. They met in Kindergarten and were BFF instantly. They looked alike, talked alike, dressed alike, had the same hair cut. You get the point. When Kat moved away we saw her several years later. She and my sister still had the same hair cut and were wearing the same jacket (in different colors) Keep in mind this was pre internet days so they weren't chatting every night. They just had super twin powers of liking the same things.
Oh look at me the odd one out.
We lost touch again, but thanks to the power of the internet we have been in contact for the last few years. A couple of weeks ago we took a trip to visit her. While there, she took us to a super cool antique store (If you're ever in Louisville you should stop in.) I was so happy Kat humored me by taking ridiculous pics of me. Having a sister's twin is the best.  Sorry about the crappy quality everything was taken on my iphone in pretty bad lighting.
                             
I really should have bought a wooden horse welcome sign. I wanted to paint it orange and blue and put an 18 on the horse. I talked myself out of it and regretted it every since. I will be in Louisville twice for band competitions I think I need to stop in and pick it up. Anyway on to the pics. 
                            
I think I need this it screams wicked witch from Wizard of Oz.
                         
It being the horse capital of the world I thought I needed a horse. Since Emmy is allergic to real ones this will have to do. I bet we win the triple crown.
                   
What?!? Who buys prosthetic limbs at an antique store, and is it weird I wanted it? 
                    
I found a spinning wheel and in true princess fashion I pricked my finger.
                          
And fell asleep for 100 years. 


If you are in Louisville her fiancee is a super awesome chef. She may even share her Green Apple Smirnoff with you like she did me. See having a twin sister ROCKS and so does visiting antique stores. You never know the fun things you can find to play with.
 

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Confessions

I have enough blog topics to have a post every day for about a month or two, and yet I haven't actually sat down to write them.

I have the materials ready to make a zoo for Emmy's stuffed animals and yet I haven't done that either.

Are you seeing a trend?

In case you needed another reason to hate the Steelers (believe me I didn't) They signed Michael Vick as back up QB. Maybe Ben can give Mike some tips on how to avoid jail time. You may remember Michael Vick from his other occupation.
If you live in the Pittsburgh area and your dog goes missing, you know where to look.

There are some that say he has served his time and should be forgiven. I am not Jesus and I don't have Alzheimer. I don't forgive and I don't forget. Especially when its something like this. Those poor animals didn't have a chance.

I must say though I'd be interested in how this bar owner, who refused to play the Eagles games in her bar in Philly will handle Vick playing for the Steelers. I'm sure there will be pressure to have the games on. 

Monday, August 24, 2015

Life is Short....Ways to Break it to Your Spouse That You Are a Cheater

I went to a pool party this weekend. Who goes to a pool party and forgets to paint their toenails? That would be me. Someone had the coolest brightest orange I had ever seen. It looked almost exactly like Tennessee Orange. I wanted it soooo bad. I asked her the color, but all I can remember is its OPI something.

Anyway, As one of the only unmarried, unengaged, and unworried about the Ashley Madison scandal, I loved sitting back and listening to what others thought. I am sure that several people I know had accounts. It makes me wonder what conversations will look like when they break the news to their spouses. I'm sure they are sweating bullets waiting.

I can be a nice person at times, and want to help these poor idiots out. Here are some suggestions on ways to let your spouse know.

Alien Abduction
I was abducted by aliens and have no recollection of the time frame listed on my account records.

Multiple Personality Disorder
I have recently been diagnosed with MPD one of my personalities is a real loser. He must have set up the account. I should make an appointment with my doctor and have my meds changed.

Stolen ID
My ID was stolen. I didn't know until just know. Bonus if you can find someone to take the fall for you. I have a feeling that this one will be the most popular.
 
Open Marriage
Remember that conversation that we had when you were on that cold medicine that made you sleepy?  How can you not remember? We agreed that we were going to have an open marriage. It was your idea really, I just went along with it.

The Truth Hurts
If all else fails, and believe me it will. You may want to buy flowers, jewelry, and any big purchase that your significant other has been wanting. Then get down on your knees and beg for forgiveness, because you are in some serious trouble. 

 

Friday, August 21, 2015

Straight Outta Van Lear

I am really wanting to watch the movie Straight Outta Compton. Its a little known fact that I really like rap. When Straight Outta Compton (the song) came out I couldn't NOT like it. I love a rapper that isn't widely known named RISKAY (not work safe). She is my girl. When I'm alone in the care I have to turn her up. I also think Eminem is awesome. Who else can rap about Nintendo? I like him so much I kept referring to my friend Kat's street as 8 mile (its really 6 mile) when I visited her over the weekend. 

RISKAY and Eminem wouldn't have careers if it wasn't for the NWA and kids today wouldn't have seriously over priced Dr. Dre Beats head phones.

I feel like if I had talent I could be a famous rapper too. I already have the key ingredient to rap stardom....No its not that I once won a state poetry contest, so my rhyming skills are good. Its Street Cred. So the street as in a small town in Kentucky Its still a rough and tough neighborhood.

                    

Top 5 reasons being from Van Lear gives me street Cred.

1. Its the birth place of a music trailblazer. Loretta Lynn had 9 songs banned on country radio. How dare she write songs about cheating husbands, their mistresses that won't go away, birth control, and pregnancies. There is already a precedent for badass women hailing from the streets.

2. Its a hot bed for Drugs and violence. I think its safe to say its the drug capitol of Kentucky (possibly tied with Phelps). My uncle died of a drug overdose there, so did several kids I went to school with.

3. Gangs. Van Lear even has its own gang sign,  it makes the VL
Abbey said If I use the word Street Cred, I actually lose street cred.

4. Everyone is just trying to survive. Its a hard town to live in.  Its depressing to drive down the streets and see everything is falling apart and sad looking. which brings me to the final reason

5. Few get out alive. I moved when I was 12 but I do have family still there when they aren't in prison or rehab (I really wish I was kidding)  My friends who escaped went to college and never looked back. The rate of kids going that route are also pretty slim.

*as a bonus If you drive through the town and honk your your horn 3 times in a row, you will see some serious panicking and people literally running for the hills. Its how people warn other that cops are coming. I use to do it every time I visited my grandmother, just because it was fun to watch people freak out. 

Its not all bad, It has some really good hearted people living there trying to stay clear of the bad apples. As I'm sure lots of towns that have bad reputations do.

Wonder what my rapper name should be?

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Thank You KFC

As a Kentuckian all my life I can say some things I am proud of George Clooney, Basketball (even though I detest basketball), Miss America 2000 Heather Renee French, Miss Kentucky 2015 (her platform is Dyslexia Awareness) but one thing I haven't been proud of lately is the KFC commercials. They were down right scary. You can watch them here and here

Thankfully KFC heard out pleas to get rid of Darrell Hammond. They announced that they are replacing  him with Norm McDonald. I normally think Norm is lacking in a personality, lets hope he is just what KFC need. 

Are there commercials or characters that freak you out?

Monday, August 17, 2015

Stacy and Clinton We Need You

A couple of years ago, the fashion world was sad to see the end of the show What Not To Wear. For those that don't know. The show was about transforming the fashion hopeless. If ever this dynamic duos needed to come out of retirement it is to rescue our frumpy County Clerk, hopefully soon to be ex county clerk.

I know I have written about her several time. Here, and Here. Today is the day that the Judge denies her stay, and actually forces her to do her job, or holds her in contempt.  You can read his ruling from last week here.  I didn't vote for her. Not because she was a different political party than me. I didn't vote for her because her publicity pics made her look like a big ball of crap. If she can't chose an outfit how can she make decisions based on her office.

She is in a position that she needs some help. No not legal help, but it's obvious to me that she needs some better legal counsel.  I guess you really do get what you pay for and she isn't paying anything. What's most important is, she needs some fashion help. After she serves her time for contempt of court she will be ready to reenter society as a free women, a free unemployed women. Having been locked into a job for decades thanks to her mom she has never had to think about interview wear, or everyday on the job wear, or hey I am a loser and the town hates me wear. All of that needs to be addressed and personally I think only Stacy and Clinton are tough and talented enough to handle this mess. Since she will have fines, and won't have her 80+ thousand dollar job anymore she won't have the money for new clothes. So she could really use that WNTW credit card.

Stacy and Clinton if you hear me, PLEASE bring What Not To Wear Back at least for this fashion victim. Its a style emergency if ever there was one. Do it for the people who have to look at her if nothing else.

Friday, August 14, 2015

We're Still Famous

You may remember my post or saw on the news my little town is famous. Famous for having a really crappy county clerk. You can read the original post here. Long story short. She decided she didn't want to follow the Supreme Courts ruling on same sex marriages. The governor told her to do her job, the attorney general told her to do her job. People have been protesting outside her office almost daily since the ruling. She has 4 couples suing her. Two same sex and Two opposite sex (because she just stopped issuing licenses to anyone)..

She decided to sue the governor because he isn't supporting her decision to stop doing part of her job.

The federal judge that heard the case against her came back with a ruling this week. Obviously he also told her to do her job. The day after the ruling several couples went to the court house to get licenses, they were denied again. She decided today is a good day to go on vacation. Her staff, gave the number to her lawyers to all that came in seeking licenses. You can read more about it on the NY Times website.

Its beyond ridiculous. She is a black eye to the entire town. I don't know who else she is wanting to be told to do her job from. The President? 

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Home Ownership, One Year Later

One year ago today, I signed my name on about 400 thousand pieces of paper. After all of that was done. I became a homeowner. After moving 6 times in 5 years Its nice to know I never have to move again. Unless the girls pack me off to a nursing home when I get old.

This purchase was a long time coming. Trust me when I tell you 2 divorces in 2 years does not do your credit any favors. (A tip from me to you...Never buy anything jointly)

I still have a giant to-do list and a wish I could do list. I won't bore you with the details of this list.

The house across the street from me, closed the week before mine did. The home owners have been busy this last year they made a little covered stoop (Which I am dying for) They completely fenced in their back yard (mine is still not done) and their grass is always cut (don't even get me started on mine). I can't speak for the work they've done on the inside, but I know from pictures of their house on zillow that their inside was not in as good a shape as mine was. Which may be why I paid 10 thousand more. That part is well worth it to me, because I have original hardwood and a fireplace.

But the things I do see them doing had been eating at me. Why couldn't I have come that far too? Why is my list so long and I feel like I can't make a dent in it. The saying don't compare someone's middle to your beginning didn't seem to apply here because we both began at the same time.

Then I thought about it and decided to cut myself some slack. I am doing everything all by myself. I have had minimal help from the girls with digging holes for the section of fence that we got up. In case you don't know. Digging post holes is a really tough job. I poured the concrete I set the posts. I waited until it was set and literally drug 6 foot by 8 foot wood panels around the side of the house and held it up with my foot while drilling it into place. I stained it in 90% humidity with sweat pouring into my eyes. I took down every shutter on my house, painted them and hung them all back up. I did that by myself. I have had to rely on someone to come mow and I am at their mercy and that of the weather. I manged to get 3 rooms painted with 3 more to go. I wish I was farther along. But I am just one person and I don't have the team of friends or family that they have helping on weekends. I can only do so much. I just need to remind myself of that when I am wading through my grass to  take the dogs out on leashes. One day the yard will be fenced in. One day I will have a deck, and the pond will be finished, I will have a tile back splash and the floor furnace grate will be removed. But until those things happen, I am still a homeowner which I wasn't 366 days ago.

Now for some happy before and after shots of what I have done.
                                                                        Before
After
I don't know why those tan shutters drove me so crazy, but the dark blue looks a lot better I think.
 Before
Before
After
After (The wall is more green than grey, but at least it isn't dark red)

 After (Why have a plain door when you can live in the TARDIS)


 After (Love my pink door so much)
Before (Dear Lord why was every room in this house brown?)
 After
 After
 Before
After
Still a work in progress

I like seeing how far I've come. I know I have a lot to do, but I have the next 30 years to do it in.If you don't have anything going on I will happily accept help in knocking out my to do list.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Our Most Performed Task

There is one task my family seems to do more than any other task. I bet your thinking we like to play board games? nope, not really. Riding bikes? Nope, we all suck at that. Volunteering at the homeless shelter? Are you kidding me? Do you give up? Are you ready for me to just get on with it and tell you?

We name pets. That's our  thing. A friend of mine had 5 cute as a button baby kitties that needed a home. So I did a kitty photo shoot and within an hour had two people  fighting over one of the kitties.
                               
They all found a home, except for one. You may notice I didn't feature this kitty in the pics. I actually only shared one not very good pic of her. I think I was sabotaging her chances so I could justify taking her. Because how could I let this poor baby stay all by its self? Its momma and daddy were both gone and now all of its siblings had found a home.

So you guessed it, I took her. Poor baby of course needed a name. She is  in pretty good hands as we are expert pet namers. Although with cats named, Katniss, Arabella, and Phoenix Nebula, you may be doubting our skills. We also have a Tiger and an Ollie so I feel we are able to branch out from crazy to traditional. The dogs have totally normal names, Max and Westley. So which way did we go with new kitty?
It could be anything.  Some names thrown around were Lenore, Atticus, wecan'tthinkofagoodname, but finally the perfect name appeared and its perfect. At least in my opinion it is.
 We named her Lilly. The color pattern reminds me of Lilly Munster. So welcome Miss Lilly to the hoard. She sure won't miss her litter mates with her new brothers and sisters around.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Why You Need to Know Who Ronda Rousey Is

Have you guys seen the fight video from the UFC 190. If not, go ahead and watch it while I wait. Now since you are probably wondering what I am making you watch. You are watching the reining UFC bantamweight champ named Ronda Rousey.
Source
I may have a girl crush on her. She manages to pull off complete badass while looking pretty. Watching her knock someone out in 34 seconds makes me want to kick ass too. But, I am lazy and don't. but for a moment I really think about it.

Still not convinced? I've compiled some reasons I think you should know her.

Named the most deadliest unarmed woman in the world, she doesn't need a man to protect her. She's got that covered on her own.

After beating her opponent , Bethe Correia, Ronda leaned over Bethe and told her not to cry. Which is something Bethe said to her during the pre fight hype. Bethe was all talk at one point telling Ronda she hopes Ronda kills herself after losing. Ronda didn't let it get to her instead she used all of that as motivation to win. This match lasted 34 seconds.
                       

After winning the belt, she left it in Rio. She said the Brazilian people deserved the belt.

She got permission from WWE Wrestler Rowdy Roddy Piper (who passed away last Thursday) before using his name Rowdy in the ring. After learning about his death, she dedicated the match to him. 

She won the ESPY for best fighter, beating out Floyd Mayweather. You may know him as the heaving weight boxing champion. But he has also spent time in jail for domestic violence. After winning the ESPY Ronda said "I can't help but really say that, I wonder how Floyd feels being beat by a woman for once, I'd like to see him pretend to not know who I am now."

She is an inspiration for girls everywhere. I really hate calling celebrities role models because most aren't for any  reason other than they are famous. But, Ronda has qualities I hope my girls grow up to have. She also has abs I hope to grow up to have.


Monday, August 3, 2015

My boyfriend Greg

I spent Saturday with my boyfriend Greg. I know you're thinking What?! We didn't know you had a boyfriend. Don't worry he doesn't know either.

Anyway, I got to see my favorite comedian and celebrity crush Greg Warren. He was hysterical as usual. I knew we were in for an interesting night when there was an already very drunk group in line ahead of me. They were rude and heckled to the point that a girl sitting in front of me (I was second row center) turned around and yelled, "Shut the F*@! up" Greg said, "See even she is tired of your shit" I was surprised that management didn't do something about them sooner I'd have asked them to leave during the opening act.
                    
              This was us last year 

After the show he posed for a pic with me, and signed a CD. I told him I already owned it digitally, but its nice to have a hard copy that he addressed to me.

You really need to check him out. He is on this season of Last Comic Standing, But he has lots of stuff on youtube and of course check out his website and see when he is coming to a place near you.
 Don't tell him that his girlfriend sent ya though, I don't want to violate the restraining order. Just Kidding there is no restraining order.