Monday, August 24, 2015

Life is Short....Ways to Break it to Your Spouse That You Are a Cheater

I went to a pool party this weekend. Who goes to a pool party and forgets to paint their toenails? That would be me. Someone had the coolest brightest orange I had ever seen. It looked almost exactly like Tennessee Orange. I wanted it soooo bad. I asked her the color, but all I can remember is its OPI something.

Anyway, As one of the only unmarried, unengaged, and unworried about the Ashley Madison scandal, I loved sitting back and listening to what others thought. I am sure that several people I know had accounts. It makes me wonder what conversations will look like when they break the news to their spouses. I'm sure they are sweating bullets waiting.

I can be a nice person at times, and want to help these poor idiots out. Here are some suggestions on ways to let your spouse know.

Alien Abduction
I was abducted by aliens and have no recollection of the time frame listed on my account records.

Multiple Personality Disorder
I have recently been diagnosed with MPD one of my personalities is a real loser. He must have set up the account. I should make an appointment with my doctor and have my meds changed.

Stolen ID
My ID was stolen. I didn't know until just know. Bonus if you can find someone to take the fall for you. I have a feeling that this one will be the most popular.
 
Open Marriage
Remember that conversation that we had when you were on that cold medicine that made you sleepy?  How can you not remember? We agreed that we were going to have an open marriage. It was your idea really, I just went along with it.

The Truth Hurts
If all else fails, and believe me it will. You may want to buy flowers, jewelry, and any big purchase that your significant other has been wanting. Then get down on your knees and beg for forgiveness, because you are in some serious trouble. 

 

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