Tuesday, February 24, 2015

That time I dated a sociopath

This may be a shock to everyone, but I generally have terrible taste in guys. Its a running joke among those that know me in real life.

Since I've been seeing lots of stuff pop up about sociopaths (thanks to the release of some movie) I thought now would be the best time to share the story about the time I dated a sociopath.

It was my freshmen year of college. I started off the year by making friends with some girls on my floor. I was having fun and enjoying my classes. Then I met him. I thought he was cute. He was a swimmer and so was I.

Things started great then he'd do or say some things that I thought were strange, by the end I was trapped in a nightmare and was actually scared for my life.

At first I was perfect, then after a while he started suggesting I was fat (I weighed 90 lbs) Oh how I wish to be that fat again. Then my hair (that others had commented on as being gorgeous) was wrong and I should be a blonde. No people I should never be a blonde. It turned an orangish/greenish mess. I want to cry just thinking about it.

He would go out to parties every Thursday but I wasn't allowed to go with him. That was fine, I hung out with my friends. Sometimes we went out, other times we didn't. If we ran into each other during the night he was angry that I was "following him", then he proceeded to get angry at me because I may talk to other people. So he would  make me leave with him. Even though he hadn't wanted me to go out with him. He didn't like the idea of someone else talking to me. On the nights we didn't run in to each other he would end every night standing outside my dorm room window screaming for me to open the window and let him in. If I didn't he would call me and fill my voicemail box up with pleading and crying and threats.

We were only together in his room. He had a suite which was suppose to have 4 roomates but he only had 2 and one of those was hardly ever there. The roommate who was there was a freshmen also...and idolized my boyfriend. I slowly stopped seeing my friends because I was hardly ever free to hang out with them.

I suspected he was cheating. Once he called me Melissa and another time I caught him going upstairs of my dorm with a girl named Holly. At least he caught on and kept it with the same name. When I confronted him about them, I was "crazy", "paranoid", "delusional" and "nothing was happening" they were "people in his class" he was "working on projects with". One thing I've learned is always trust your paranoid, delusional, crazy gut because its rarely wrong.

But because he was cheating, he became obsessed that I must be cheating, so he had me followed. His freshmen roommate was suppose to walk me to every class and any thing else I needed to be out of his sight for. The roommate would then report back if I had talked to anyone and what was said.

I never received a gift for any holiday and we were together for a year. Even when he had extra money it would be spent on himself. At the start of summer he left his dorm and rented an apartment with a guy I liked a lot. He was really nice and fun to talk to. On the night of my birthday my boyfriend asked me to come visit. I did. He showed me his new computer and a few other new gadgets he had bought himself. After about 30 minutes the phone rang and he started acting weird after that. He was trying to get me to leave, but I had just got there and wasn't ready to go yet. Then a knock on the door and a girl walks in. They go into his room and shut the door (to LOOK at his new computer)

That was the tipping point for me. I had literally had all I could take and I burst open the door told him (and her) to fuck off and then left. By the time I got to my place he was calling and trying to apologize being all sweet and loving, but I was fuming mad. I ran into him at a restaurant in town, if you waited until Midnight they started serving bacon. It was one of those nights, I was there with some friends and he showed up angry and ranting. I pulled out my pepper spray and gave him a face full. The room stood still. I didn't know what his reaction would be. Thankfully he left he was mad and cussing me with every breath, but eventually he left. I had someone follow me him because I was afraid he would be waiting on me.

He called a few days later telling me he bought me something for my birthday. I kept ignoring him but he kept calling and calling until I agreed to come get it. When I went to his place to pick it up I had someone with me (THANKS Heath!!) and I got it and left. He still called my dorm. I had other people answer and say I wasn't there, but he could see my door from his window and would scream that he knew I was there. He started following me to class and calling all hours of the day and night. Finally he left me alone. Of course he may have been threatened with very extreme and descriptive violence if he didn't leave me alone.

Now imagine my surprise when I notice that his son (they have a very distinct last name) was in my daughters class. I told her a brief description of the whole ordeal and told her to stay away from him. It must be in his genes because he started sending her facebook friend requests and messages saying hi and asking her what she was doing. She ignored him and when the teacher rearranged the room, placing them beside each other Abbey stood up and said "My mom doesn't want me to associate with him." Thankfully the teacher moved her. Then last summer I saw him at band camp and freaked out. Thankfully he isn't a very involved parent and never showed up to any games or competitions. So I only saw him that once.


10 comments:

  1. Ho-lee-crap. To all of this. What a story. And what terrible abuse. I'm just glad he never hit you. The guys that call you fat when you're not and try to get you to keep in seclusion so you don't ever see or talk to anyone else often seem to be physical abusers. They do that so you'll feel bad about yourself and never leave them despite what they're doing to you. But either way, bullet dodged. And the pepper spray? NICE TOUCH.

    Isn't it funny (and by that I mean not?) how life is circular like that? Of course you would have a daughter and he would have a son, the same age, and they'd be in the same damn class. Well, I'm glad to hear everything's okay so far and that she's distancing herself early.

    The circular nature this is life: the worst ex I've ever had, one who's so batshit crazy that she tried to steal my own dog from me in the middle of the night (who also tried to throw herself out of my car at 75 mph when I told her she was acting irrational), recently moved 2 blocks away from me. Without even knowing it. And she has a dog that looks IDENTICAL to the one she tried to steal (I have a specialty mixed breed that is very hard to find). I can hardly wait to see what happens when she figures out we're "neighbors."

    F U too, life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know... to this day I wonder what would've happened if I'd gone along with you on that final trip to get the very last of your stuff back from him, instead of just having half the friends we knew go over there with you.
    I suspect I'd have ended up throwing him out a window, at that point.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What's worse, is that this is just the highlight reel of this guy's asshattery. Holly could make two more posts as long as this one, and *still* might not be able to fit in all the worst of the stories.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow. That's a terrible situation to be in. I'm glad it had a good ending. Although, crazy about his kid being in the same class as your daughter!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I know when I found out I made her swear she wouldn't have anything to do with him. I'm glad it all worked out, but man was he a nut job

    ReplyDelete
  6. I bet you would have. I know I wanted to.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh man, I imagine a Single White Female remake. Hide your dog from her. Crazy people like that can't be trusted to act any way other than crazy.

    He never hit me, but I grew up seeing way more domestic violence than anyone should, so I knew not to ever put up with that shit. I have a feeling I would have attacked him back with something had he ever tried. Heath is right, this was just the tip of the iceberg with him, I had met his family and they acted like that too, so I know he was just repeating his home life but that didn't mean I needed to be around to see it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. yup he is. I am so glad I got away.

    ReplyDelete
  9. yikes!! sounds like a scary experience. Unfortunately I think a lot of girls (guys too maybe) can relate to crazy exes. I know I can. Lol. Good to pass those lessons onto your daughter though so she can avoid finding herself in that situation!!

    ReplyDelete