Things never to say to a cop

My weekend was kinda oreo. Great in the middle pretty yucky on either end. Don't tell me you actually like the weird chocolate cookie part?

I got strep on Thursday evening was definitely not feeling like running the 5K so I have to schedule another one to get it off my list. Had a great Derby weekend hanging out at my friends bar. My horse won the derby. I have a friend in California and he called early last week to tell us that his son is best friends with one of the owners grandsons. So yeah I had to root for someone I have any kind of tie to. Besides you just HAVE to support a horse that is owned by people who named their business Dumbass Partnership. I seriously need a shirt that says this.

The downside was I got pulled over. I was actually doing 23 over but the cop took pitty on me and wrote it for 18 over. They sure do ask you some dumb questions when they pull you over. While waiting for him to write me the ticket I started to think of things I probably shouldn't say.

1. I WAS texting and driving..Wait! Let me text what a big dick you are
2. I was practicing. Tony Stewart called and wants me to replace Danica.....because I didn't wreck anyone
3. Where was I going? To hell if I don't change my ways....wanna come too?
4. How fast do I THINK I was going? Or how fast do I want to say I was going
5. I don't have a license and registration. I stole this car from some guy I killed for asking me where I was going.
6. Want a doughnut?
7. Wanna race?
8. Your a public servant.....wash my car servant
9. Have you ever seen Super Troopers.....
10. Yes that uniform makes your ass look big.

On a completely different note. My sister dropped my dad off at my house. I am frantically trying to find him a place to live so I don't hang myself from my balcony.


  1. This is fantastic. One to add...

    "Did you know you were speeding?"
    No, but I do now. Thanks for informing me!

  2. I always want a doughnut.

    My husband is a base cop and yes, he has seen Super Troopers and cracked up.

  3. I couldn't help but giggle at this. and please dont hang yourself lady. that's not good.


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