Life Lately

  • I overslept this morning, somehow the girls and I got out of the house in 10 minutes and actually made it to school. I look like a crazed mess, but at least we made it.
  • No matter how awful I look I didn't look as bad as this

  • My most favorite pair of pants have a hole in the crotch.
  • While doing laundry I pulled out pants that were too tight on me last year, I can actually fit into a few now. I don't love them as much as the pair with a holey crotch, but at least they fit.
  • We have a tornado watch for later today. A watch is when you could get it not that one has been seen right? I can never tell those apart. We don't even live in a tornado prone area, but two years ago 2 hit our town in a week and pretty much wiped out our downtown. It missed our house by feet. So keeping me in your thoughts today would be appreciated.
This is what the town looked like after the last tornado.
  • I'm thinking about doing a link up for November. A month full of Thanks. Where we would post something we are thankful for everyday. I use to post these on facebook, but since FB annoys the shit out of me lately I am avoiding it.
  • I downloaded a cool app for managing my Christmas shopping. I have been geeking out about it all day. I'll share all the awesome details later.
  • I'm feeling restless. I feel like I'm waiting for things to happen. I don't really know why I am feeling restless, but I feel like I need to make changes. I just don't know with what yet. I'll keep you posted when I decide what I'm doing.
  • I heard on the news yesterday that the local news station was doing a story today on living in a house that someone died in. Its like they are reading my blog. Except they didn't ask my input.
6

Whats your super power

I'm presenting at a conference this weekend. Its for Early Childhood professionals. I like to do a little ice breaker at the beginning of the training. It helps me get to know my audience better. While searching for a good activity I stumbled upon Seth Godin's blog post, "What is your super power?" "When you meet someone, you need to have a super power. If you don't, you're just another handshake. Don't say, "Hi, I'm Don, I'm from Cleveland." Instead, try, "Hi, I'm Don, I tell stories that spread." It's not about touting yourself or coming on too strong. It's about making the introduction meaningful. If I don't know your superpower, then I don't know how you can help me (or I can help you)."

I thought this is super cool. I've been thinking, what is my super power? What's something that I am really good at? How can I make an introduction that will stand out? Hi, I'm Holly, I organize events that ROCK. At least I hope I do. I've had two PTO meetings this month to finalize the details of the first dance in 200 years. I've worked out every possible issue that I could think of. As long as we break even, and don't lose a kid I will feel successful.

I think every super hero needs a costume. I found this outfit in the mall this weekend. This can be my Holly organizes events that ROCK outfit. Now to just be able to fit into it.
                             


3

Would you ever?

I was listening to the radio while driving to work. There was radio show that asked the question, "Would you ever live in a house that someone died in?" It was a setting the mood for Halloween special.

I don't think I could. I use to work for Hospice as a Home Health Aide. I have been in homes as people were dying. I've held many hands of people slipping out of this world. None of that bothered me. But, I didn't have to live there.

My mother in law (at the time) was dying of cancer. She Found out in May and was dead by the end of June. She died at home. Her son and I divorced that year so, I wasn't at the house too many times after her passing, but I always had issues sleeping there. I never saw anything or heard anything. I just felt weird. I couldn't help but staring at the bedroom where she died, or remembering the gurney taking her.

The same is true for her parents house. Her dad died, several years ago from cancer. He died in his favorite room, where he always watched TV. When I would visit, after his passing, I couldn't help but thinking back to his last days. A few months ago her mother died, also in the house. The house was on the market for a few months before they sold it at auction, to a guy from out of town. I always wonder if having two deaths in the house had anything to do with its sluggish sale. The new owner will be turning it into apartments. Its a college town and there is always need for apartments. I wonder about the renters. Will they feel weird about living there if they hear of the deaths?

Am I the only one that doesn't think they could live in a place that someone died? The radio spoke to several people and the general consensus was if the death was old age or something similar it would be ok but a murder would be out of the question. I just don't know that I could do either.
5

Weekend Recap

Most of you know that I spent the weekend at the last band competition of the season. It was the State semi finals and finals. I have been looking forward to this weekend for weeks. Two months of every weekend being packed at competitions where your day begins at 6 and ends at midnight is rough. I managed to survive driving in Louisville. I have to go back in two weeks for work. I'm dreading it. Louisville is a terrible town. It was also really windy, which is probably because Indiana Blows. (I'm joking)

 Last week was regionals and Abbey's band moved on and so did Greg's. We've had positive results with Abbey's band all year and knew we had a good chance at being one of the final 4 bands. So we went into this competition charged up. However due to some technical issues we didn't have a key part of our show and it hurt us. We placed 7th overall which I think is awesome and I'm so proud.


I do want to take a second to complain. Because, I like to complain. The school that the semi final for our class was at, was a school also in the competition. It was NOT equipped to handle a crowed like that. They had 5 bathroom stalls and one of those wouldn't stay closed unless someone stood outside the door and held it for you. They had no hot chocolate. It was 48 degrees and there was no hot chocolate. I'm like WTF!!! They had all the entrances into the stand blocked off so EVERYONE had to walk in and out using one ramp. I seriously thought this was a safety hazard. What if there was a fire. That's not even a exaggeration because the press box is there and under the bleachers is a wooden room are with the bathrooms and some mechanical stuff. The parents working the competition were rude or at least the lady working the entrance to the stand. I think if you are hosting bands you should not be able to compete. If you are holding a competition during the regular season you can't compete against the other bands. The attitudes of parents when a score is on the line is different then when it isn't. They were pretty snotty. The weekend wore Greg out. He was asleep by 10 on Fright and by 8:30 on Saturday.
 
I also wonder about scoring. I said before I think our placement was accurate, however the bands in Greg's class I do not agree with. I've followed a band in that class all season they were awesome. They won the class at regionals. However they got 5th place and didn't go on to finals. The band whose school the contest was located at, went on. I really question that. I also question when you are looking at the score sheets and judges scoring the same caption score vastly different. They give you a number score and a placement. I think if they have you 4 places apart then that is a red flag that either they aren't trained or they are strongly in favor of someone for whatever reason. That's my little rant for the day, that I'm not 100% on board with how it was handled.


My friend is a district manager for a store called ICING. When I saw one in the mall I had to go check it out. Its an accessories store that is like a grown up Claires. I wanted everything. I bought this ring, and almost bought this key ring. Gotta love a store that has glitter flasks. They also have the above key ring.
 
2

Haunted University

Stephanie gave me the idea to write about haunted places for Halloween. I am leaving for Kentucky State Marching Band competitions today and didn't really have anything else to write about. So here ya go. Warning this is a LOOOOOONG post.  or at least long compared to what I usually post.

I attended a small university in Kentucky called, University of Kentucky Morehead State. Yeah, I know we love joking about More Head.*"The University began as Morehead Normal School, which opened its doors in 1887. The private school closed in the spring of 1922 when the Kentucky General Assembly established Morehead State Normal School. The state institution accepted its first students in the fall of 1923 and graduated its first class in 1927. Name changes occurred in 1926 when "and Teachers College" was added, again in 1930 when it was shortened to Morehead State Teachers College, again in 1948 when "Teachers" was dropped and, finally, to university status in 1966." Its been said several building on campus are haunted. My office is right beside the university, so I brought my camera to work and set off on a tour.

Button Auditorium: Built in 1928, renovated in 1968. This houses the drama department and the offices upstairs are ROTC. Its also where all plays and some of the bigger student recitals and events are held. Supposedly a janitor named Kate fell and broke her neck, or another story is she jumped. Seriously its not that high I can't believe anyone would try to kill themselves this way, so I believe it was an accident. Another story is that the theater department use to haze new students by "hanging" someone, only they would have a rope tied around the waist to give them support. Legend says that one time the ropes got mixed up and the person was really hung. The final story I've heard is that when the building was being built a small girl died at the site and sometimes you can hear her calling for her mom. I've been in this building a lot. Its where all the Spring and Winter concerts for my daughters school is held. Its also where the concerts for All District Band and the concerts that run every night of band clinic week. Anyway, long story short, I'm there several times a year and I've never seen anything. When I was a student I would go in wander around with my roommate at the time. I can't remember if she ever saw or heard anything here or not.



Nunn Hall: *" Built in 1969 and upgraded in 2003 to improve fire safety" At the moment it is closed and under renovation. I lived in this building for two years and I will straight up tell you its haunted. The building is laid out kind of weird. Its basically like an old hotel-ish. The rooms are suites, the walkways are open with a wall about waste high. When I lived here is was the Sorority dorm. Each floor is a different sorority. The legend is that a girl was pregnant and jumped to her death. The name of the girl is usually called Penelope of Caroline, but I remember a few years ago a professor researched it and said her name was really Dorothy but she was called Dottie. I lived on the 7th floor and every night at the same time,  I could hear someone walking in heels outside my door, when I would open the door to look, there would be no one there. There was also often a shadowy figure that would appear between the bedroom area and the bathroom/closet area. This was a creepy building. My coworker has lived in this town her whole life and said she remembers when the girl jumped. Nunn or at least my room had what we called a time slip. The suite is laid out 3 rooms. The first room you enter is the kitchen/livingroom that flows into the bedroom and then a very small hallway to the bathroom/closets. We started out with 4 people living there and then the OCD cleaning roommate (she was a crazy nut job) moved out, After the first year the other roommate moved out so that left me and the roommate I would keep throughout the rest of college. Sometimes you could do something in the kitchen area, walk to the bedroom and hear yourself do whatever it was you just did. I never peaked back in there to see if I could see myself because it was creepy enough as it is.
Its at the end of the road, in a valley. It has hills on three of its sides, If this helps set the stage. The things that look like windows are not, the hallways are open. The story is she jumped from the 9th floor but the elevator goes up to the roof which would make for a much better place to jump from.

Waterfield Hall: *"Built in 1960 and upgraded in 2003 to improve fire safety, this four-story structure serves as an administrative office building and a temporary residence hall. Named in honor of Lt. Gov. Harry Lee Waterfield, the building currently is out of service." Its scheduled to be torn down but as of right now there is no scheduled tear down date. The third floor is where the excitement happens. There is a room by the bathrooms that is always empty yet you can hear laughing, talking and music coming from it. The fire doors at the end of the hall on this floor also open and slam shut late at night.
To get an estimate of where everything is located in relation to each other.
Beside Waterfield is this
 
Eagle Lake:*"Created in 1950 with the impoundment of Evans Branch on the northern edge of the campus, this pristine, 30-acre lake was named for the majestic symbol of the University, the American Bald Eagle. Except for a small portion at the north end where Evans Branch empties into the lake, the shoreline property is owned by the University." This is right on campus. When I was married and still living on campus I lived right beside the lake. (see previous pic of the SUV parked in my living room) I also use to walk around the lake with friends. I don't know if other people saw or heard things here, honestly I haven't. History says someone drowned in the lake and a few weeks ago a hiker had a heart attack while walking the trails around the lake. So, I'm sure its going to have its own set of rumors soon. If it doesn't already


Baird Music Hall: *"Built in 1954 and expanded in 1967, this three-story classroom and office building was named in honor of Dr. William Jesse Baird"Greg said I HAD to add this place. The  ghost supposedly is the person the building is named after. When Jesse was alive he loved Oranges and would be seen eating oranges all the time. Now he likes to leave orange peels around the building and the smell of oranges can be smelled at odd times. Jesse also gets blamed for sticking a music stand underneath the door of a practice room, leaving the door unable to be opened from the outside. I've been in this building A LOT. Not as much as Greg who as a drum major and spent MANY nights here, but I would tend to agree. The building has always been weirdly creepy. The practice room was stuck shut from the stand while Greg was there and while I was there. He said they did eventually get it open but it was after both of us graduated.


Butler Hall:
*"Built in 1961 and upgraded in 2003 to improve fire safety, this is a four-story coed residence hall" Double Occupancy Community Bath. People have said this is haunted and I don't believe it. My freshmen year, I lived in this dorm. It wasn't Coed then. Morehead is a weird little school. Its what most refer to as a Suit Case college. Most kids who can, go home on the weekends. I was no exception. One such weekend early in the semester I came back on Sunday night and got up to go to my 8:00  class on Monday. As I was returning about 9:10  there was an ambulance and a coroner parked in front of the building. It didn't take long for this sleep deprived girl to realize that the someone in my building had died. My roommate had just moved out and I was really nervous about sleeping in my dorm room alone, especially when I realized the girl that just died lived only 3 doors down from me. I will admit I slept with the lights one for about a month until I got over my fear. I never saw anything, I never heard anything. My boyfriend at the time said they had recently broken up. I don't know if he was saying that to scare me, or if it really happened. All I know is, she really did die. I'm not sure why. At the time people said a heart condition. I do know I never saw or heard anything in that building so I am going to say this isn't true.


Cartmell Hall:
Built in 1969, this 16-story coed residence hall was upgraded in 1999 to improve fire safety
Type of Room: Double Occupancy Building Type: Co-ed alternating floors Community bath facilities. I lived in room 1313 in the dorm, I never saw anything here either, but I know that my sister will leave me  comments if I don't mention it. She lived in room 707 and had a ghost she lovingly calls Pervert Pete. According to her he would make the desk chair spin and play with her hair and her roommates hair, rub their shoulders and when they were in the shower they could see him peak through the cracks in the door. She said he would move things all the time. She has seriously long hair and he once hid her tin of pony tail holders and as she was moving out she found them hidden in some weirdly random spot in the room. I'm sure she will comment and tell us all about this.


 to show relation of where stuff is located.

SENFF NATATORIUM:  *"Built in 1932 as one of Kentucky’s first indoor swimming pools, this historic structure was named in honor of Judge Earl W. Senff of Mt. Sterling, former member and secretary of the Board of Regents. It was out of service from 1988 until its demolition in 2008."There use to be stories of this building being haunted too. The story goes that a Fraternity was hazing a new pledge and he was suppose to break into the building and jump into the pool but they didn't know was that the pool had been drained. When I was a student the building was still standing but it was chained shut. I remember hearing stories of people hearing sounds coming from there but I never heard anything. This building was near where Button Auditorium is.
.
* Stolen from the Morehead State website
7

How Rude

In keeping with my facebook rant from yesterday, I have another story to share.

Yesterday I had a meeting in Cincinnati. Its where the main office of my company is located. Cincinnati had a promotion going where they had decorated pigs scattered around the city. Similar to what Lexington did with the Horse Mania and Chicago did with the Cow Parade. Personally I prefer the cows, I had several miniature replicas of the cows, but several moves later they are all broken :(

Anyway, I was in Cincinnati for a meeting. The place we were meeting at had a pig inside. I of course had to pose for a picture with it. How can you resist. I am a sucker for giant statues I just want to jump right in and act like a real tourist. I took this picture.


Right off the bat I though uggh I shouldn't have worn stripes. It makes me look wide. Then a friend of my dad commented to the picture when I posted it on fb to ask me which one was the pig. I have been mad about this every since. Why would someone you don't know well enough to joke with say this? Also anyone who knows me, knows I don't joke about weight. Its just too personal. He doesn't know that I've been exercising and dieting for two months now and that I weigh myself every morning and track every calorie that I consume. I have debated deleting him. I've debated just deleting the facebook completely its not making me happy
3

I'm biting my tongue

Remember way back when I was doing the 31 days of and everything was gloom and doom over here? Remember the post where Abbey and Greg said I was hateful? Well I've tried to be a good girl lately, just  to prove I can.

The world of facebook is really making that hard. Just this week (all 2 1/2 days of it) I have had to bite my tongue or leave the room for several comments that are just begging for me to set them straight. As you know I'd love to.

I can tolerate political posts. I can tolerate religious posts. I even read  6 reasons why girls shouldn't attend college. I managed not to post an evil comment. Because, I believe everyone has a right to their own opinion. Even if that opinion is different than my own. But there are certain things that are soooooooo hard to keep my mouth shut about. I really should win a medal this week for not punching someone in the throat.

  1. When people I hate say mean things to people I love. My ex #2 family who are major dumb asses and I hate them all. Are taking bets on how long his niece will stay in her relationship. She's 19 does it even matter? Let her have fun. She is a sweetie. They are evil snakes. There is probably a blog post in here as well. Another friend of mine who works so his wife can stay home, watching TV all day while eating and ignoring their two kids was being harassed by his wife and her backwoods, inbreed, hillbilly family because he couldn't get off of work to sit with her 24/7 because she was lonely.
  2. When People I hate say something dumb Douchey McDouchebag from the Open letter to a Douchebag was at it again this week, spewing his ignorant word vomit for all to read. I managed to only "like" the comments the other guy left.
  3. When people I hate breathe This should be self explanatory. People I hate should just be blocked from being near me in real life so I don't have to see them
  4. When dumb people repost things that aren't true. Doesn't anyone check their facts. The worst is when its about needy dogs or kids. I just can't stand to look at it. I always hit the spam button.
Lets just end it right there for now. There is more, but I'm feeling my BP rise.

2

That time I almost peed myself at work

Don't you love when you don't have anything to write about and you went to sleep at 9:30 instead of even trying to come up with something....and then something to write about falls in your lap? Yeah me too. That's exactly what happened today.

Let me set the stage. My office is in a building full of other offices. Its laid on two long hallways with the bathrooms and a meeting area in the middle. Also in the middle is the stairs. My office is the only office upstairs. I like it this way. I have 8 skylights and a window. Its great....usually.

This morning, I got here and the door was locked (that's not unusual) I unlocked the door and started down the hall. The lights were off and I didn't bother to turn them on because I had my hands full and I could see fairly well. I get midway down the hall, where the stairs to my office are. I reach out to turn on the lights and I see a dark figure sitting on my stairs.
I grab the wall as I fall against it for support. I started hyperventilating. The dark figure stands up and starts walking to me. I thought this is it, I am dying.


and then I see that its the lady who does massages in the office across from the bottom of the stairs. She is dressed head to toe in Navy blue. Somehow I manage not to scream, or pee myself. I barely make it up the steps before my jello legs give out.
 
And that my friends is how I almost peed myself today.

4

iPlan

Its Monday, The Broncos lost, I have two meetings so yeah its a bad day. I want to climb back in bed and pretend yesterday didn't happen.

I don't like surprises. At least not if I have a hint that a surprise could happen. Christmas drives me insane because I always want to know what my presents are. Because I don't like surprises I like to be prepared for whatever may come up.

This weekend was the Regional Quarter finals of Marching Band. It was the weekend where we found out what bands go on t o Semi Finals next weekend and whose seasons were over. How could I possible plan for this.

Greg's band is in class 2A and they performed about an hour from Abbey's school in class 4A. Thankfully the times were so far apart that I could do both. Abbey's director was nice enough to let me steal her early. This way I would get to attend both competitions and watch both of them compete.

The other thing I did was, I made a spread sheet. The spread sheet had all the scores of everyone Abbey's band and Greg's band would face during Regionals. I wanted to track the past scores of everyone to have an idea if they could place high enough to go on  to State.

I also checked out the Band Forums and read what others thought. Some of the stuff people were saying was funny.  I love reading people's predictions. One prediction was A hoard of cats will attack two bands at semi's. Not all are this crazy. But I love that there is a sense of humor.

My predictions for Abbey would probably have been 100% accurate except as soon as we walked onto the field it started raining. This is the second competition in a row that we've got stuck in the rain. Abbey said she is totally over the rain. To make it to Semi finals you have to score in the top 8.

I had predicted that Abbey would place 2nd, but she placed 3rd. I predicted that Greg would be 6th and he placed 8. His kids were just so nervous. But it doesn't matter they are both going to state.

What am I doing for State? I have already looked at the scores from the Western part of the state. I've already started a detailed packing list for everyone.

Just one more week. I also just noticed this is my 301 post!!! I should have done something special. Maybe I will do a give away for the 400th.
2

Five on Friday!

Its Friday...I love Fridays. This weekend means only one more week of Marching season. WoooHooo. I'm excited! Here is a list of my top 5 things from this week.

1. I stopped the 31 days of series. I was struggling and it was sucking, and its been such a relief not to worry about it.

2. My Peyton Manning shirt came in. I can't wait to wear it.

3. I took Abbey back to see Dr Sexy about her headaches. She is doing great and he thinks we've fixed the problem. He also said He'd be at her band competition this weekend because his son is in a band we will be competing with. I hope I get to see him.... He's dreamy

4. I've been torturing everyone I know with this video. Its insanely dumb but dang it is catchy.



5. I wore a shirt this week that everyone commented on. Not because it was a particularly beautiful shirt, but because it matches my hair. I may never wear this shirt again.
 photo H54Fbutton-1_zpsa7aaa665.png
3

Ipsy Thursday

I got my Ipsy bag yesterday. I have been looking forward to this for weeks and then I saw that Jasmine at Green eyed Monster, got her bag. I was dying of jealousy. My bag was not exactly like hers. Which made me sad because I thought the clay spray sounded cool.


What did I get?
 
 
1. Buxom lip polish in Dolly. I have tried this already. I love the color. It almost looks like a nude on me. It is a little on t he sticky side which I am not super crazy about but its not that bad. I like that it tingles a little.
 
2. Zoya nail polish in Giovanna. Its a jade-ish like color. with some slight sparkle to it.
 
 
3. Nourish Organic Coconut & Argan Body Lotion. It smells so nice.
 
4. Big Sexy hair Blow Dry Volumizing gel. This seems cool. I love the Big Sexy spray so I can't wait to try the gel.
 
5. LA Fresh Oil Free Face Cleaner. My child has already stolen this from me. I hope I even get a chance to try it.
 
I have been a subscriber for a few months now. I chose Ipsy because I love little bags and how could I resist a subscription where I also got a little bag.




 
2

Whats in a name

This is a link up I HAD to do.

My parents named me after Buddy Holly. I hate that. I get asked all the time if I was born in December. I guess you can't have the name of holiday greenery if you are born in July. You should also NOT have the name of holiday greenery if your last name is Grass. It just seems so wrong. My middle name is french. Or at least it would be if my parents didn't butcher the spelling because they wanted my initials to be HSG. I have no idea why. My sister's middle name also got butchered so we could have matching initials. Oddly enough both names started with a C originally so we could have still had the same initials.

When I was pregnant I had 1 goal (ok 2 if you count getting that baby out of me) and that was to give her a name that if she didn't like she could use something else. I asked little kids named Abby if they liked their names. What nicknames they were called. If there was anything they would change. No one had any real complaints,so Abigail it was. But Abby never looked quit right to me, so I decided to spell it with an e. Doesn't Abbey just look better? Anyway. Abbey's dad was a chemist and we have a sense of humor. Wouldn't it be HILARIOUS to make her initials spell something? Like ATOM. Yeah we went there. Her dad chose the name Tirzah (Tears-Ah) which no one pronounces right and I chose Olivia after the a little girl I once had in my preschool class and the Olivia books.

Fast forward 4 years and I am about to have another baby and all my name ideas are being shot down. I said fine, Abbey could name the baby. She was a PBS fanatic at the time and chose. Emily Elizabeth. I was at least sane enough to make her stick something in between those two so she didn't get teased for the rest of her life about Clifford. Abbey loved the move The Labyrinth so we added Sarah. But we can't stop there, because the Dragon Tales are just so cool! Lets just call her Emmy. Its a wonder she even knows what her name is.
6

That time I met Kim Possible

As I was reading my daily blogs I saw that Stephanie at Not Entirely Perfect went on a Brewery tour for her friend Tara's birthday. Crossing yet another thing off of her 101 list. That made me remember that I have a seriously neglected 101 list myself. I have no idea why I am avoiding this list. I chose the things on it. I love lists. I love crossing stuff off lists. I did notice that there are a few things I could cross off. Of course I have no pictures of any of the said items. But I do have a picture of how clouds are made. That's better than you seeing how I decided to organize our hair accessories.
This was my view most of Saturday.
 
It wasn't on my list but I got to meet some celebrities Saturday too. I know I mentioned Ron Jeremy was watching the changing rooms (fitting I know) at the competition. I really wanted a picture but how do you ask a stranger to take a picture of you. Especially if its only because he looks exactly like a porn star.
 
I also saw Kim Possible. If Kim Possible was a real teenage girl. I asked her if people ever tell her, she looks like KP and she looked at me like I imagine Ron J (not Ron Stoppable) would have if I had asked for a pic. I wasn't going to let this photo op pass though. I asked her if she even knew who Kim was and she said yes. I begged for a pic and she let me take one.
 
 

4

I'm a quitter

I quit.

I am sick of writing about the same topic.

I'm sick of writing everyday. Its hard. October is just an awful month for trying to writing during the weekends. My Saturdays are completely packed. I wrote Saturdays post while riding home on school bus after the competition. It was terrible. The post and the experience

I have 2 trainings I'm presenting the weekend after Marching Season ends. I really need to focus some creative writing on them.

I am dealing with some relationship stress that I thought I could incorporate in my daily posts, but I'm not ready to go there yet.

I really should have planned better for this series. If I was going to accomplish it in my busiest month I should have had a clear vision.

So I quit the 31 days of challenge.


2

31 days of relationships....Band Edition

I know I mentioned yesterday that I spent an ungodly number of hours with hormonal teenagers who were all in love. Well today I want to talk about the friendships that are made between the different bands. When I was in school we had 60 some members. We were GREAT. I loved it. I met so many people from different schools it was sooo fun.

Abbey has met people from other schools too and since the world of technology is what it is, she can be fb, twitter, and instagram friends with everyone before the competition is even over. Our guide yesterday was such a sweet girl and she kept telling Abbey that her hair was so pretty and she was so pretty. The girl is getting a big head.

My old high school was there. They get better every time I see them and that makes me happy. They still have a long way to go to be competitive, but at least its moving in the right direction. I got thinking today about how people I went to school with are complaining about the band and about how they aren't the same as when they were there. Its insulting to the kids out there working hard. To be it borders on bullying. So I wrote a note for my facebook to tell former members how that is not right. I know that people are passionate, and people have their own opinions. But its still not right.

I’ve heard people complaining that the band isn’t as good as it was when they were in band. Well here is a news flash. No year thinks the years after theirs is as good. I’m sure members of Central’s Marching band during the years of the 100+ members, died inside seeing my years of 60+ members. The truth is we all have fond memories of our band years and so will the years to come. That is what is important. No decade will have the same experience because marching band is ever changing. Themes and techniques that worked in the 80’s-90’s will simply put, be laughed off the field now. If you find yourself moaning about band, I challenge you to come to a competition and watch from start to finish and I bet you have a new appreciation for what the kids have accomplished and what obstacles they have to face in order to put a show that can compete with others on the field. I suggest instead of complaining then offer to help. Offer to share what your experience and talents you have. Help it be what it was when you were there.




1

31 days of relationships.....teenage love

It's hard to blog when you are gone from 6am-11pm. But today was an interesting day to observe relationships. 

I spent all day around teenagers. They sure like the PDA. Everything is so intense life or death. Nothing is just ehh. But thy seem so tolerant of things that seem odd to me. How is it that a teenage girl can date a guy, wear another guys shirt and it be ok? I would flip out if Greg wore something of another girl. Which I guess goes against what I just said about them being ehh. I guess it's just that they are so high strung about minor things. 

Today I saw Ron Jeremy's twin. He touched  my hand and told me about growing up in the next town. It was pretty awesome. I wanted a pic with him, and to tell him I'm a big fan :) 


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31 days of relationships....I'm not hateful just a little vindictive.

shew! I feel like Cinderella today. I had to go to a training that was 3 hours away from my house. I had to leave at 5...yes 5AM! that's just wrong. Before I even got out of my neighborhood I saw 4 deer and a baby cougar. For the record I live in the city, walking distance to a car lot, McDonald's, and the hospital. Its just that I also live in very rural KY.

So I got to pass several distilleries and didn't get to stop at any of them I also got to pass the Castle. I use to want to live here. Its so beautiful.
Then I sat through several hours of training. Drove back...In rush hour traffic.....It  took 4 hours to get home. Then I had to wash dishes, and clean the litter box, and find clothes to wear to the band competition tomorrow.
 
So here I am finally sitting down to write the post I promised you yesterday.
 
A friend of mine was telling me a story. His friend posted a video to facebook of his daughter singing and dancing crazy. She retaliated by posting an ad on the swap shop (a classified show on the radio that is hilarious, Imagine stereotypical rednecks selling their junk). She said he had chickens and goats for 10. I know nothing about farm animals but apparently its a good deal because he phone blew up with people calling wanting the animals.
 
This got me thinking about Monday when I told you about Abbey and Greg saying I was hateful. Another friend responded to that post to tell me his take on things.
 
"You're not a hateful person.  You are, for the most part, highly pro-social and friendly. You are, however, a very vindictive person- in fact, one of the most vindictive people I know- which is where people can get the idea that you're hateful.  But they're not the same thing.
 A hateful person will manufacture outrage, dream up fictional wrongs done by other people, in order to justify their own bad behavior.  They start with the position that others are (or will be) actively evil or malicious towards them, and then use that assumption to justify everything they wanted to do or take for themselves as being "only fair."  This allows them to (at least pretend to) continue to think of themselves as good, regardless of what they do.
 A vindictive person, by contrast, doesn't start out with those sorts of intentions.  Vindictiveness (just as you've described it) comes from a genuine feeling of being wronged- of having been good to someone, and being hurt for it.  Where hatred tries to manufacture an artificial feeling of moral strength, vindictiveness comes from feeling cornered or vulnerable.
 Hatefulness goes off the rails from the beginning; it's essentially a post-hoc justification for wrongs that were intended all along.  Vindictiveness goes off the rails 1) when it drives you to take things out of proportion, to overreact to a minor or even unintended slight, and 2) when that disproportionate response prevents you from making peace when the original conflict has ceased to matter.  The former makes enemies out of friends; the latter leaves you with an ever-increasing, rarely-decreasing enemies list to have to deal with, much of it over relatively trivial things.
 And note that that's not the same thing as saying "All the things you get upset over are trivial."  You have as much genuinely heavy shit to deal with as anyone.  Rather, it's saying that you get upset and bury yourself under lots of minor crap in addition to the perfectly reasonable things you have to get upset over; which further burdens you, and leaves you with less energy to deal with any of it.  (And that is, in turn, where you put off that impression of "hateful to cranky to wanting to be left alone."  That's an outsider's view of what it looks like, as your emotional energy runs down and you exhaust yourself.)"
I agree with this completely. I think this is why Greg is thinks I'm hateful. I don't take shit from people. If I am hurt in anyway I lash back, usually with more force than was originally dealt my way. That may seem like hate to others when in fact I am just protecting myself and sending a message that actions like that won't be tolerated.

 
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31 days of....Relationships. Sometimes you need to be patient.

Today would have been my parents 38th wedding anniversary. No they aren't dead. They got divorced when I was pregnant with Abbey. There is something about a first grandchild that really brings the family together. Today's post has nothing to do with that. I just wanted to tell someone and my parents don't really like it when I call them up and say Happy Anniversary.

I have about 400 potential posts floating around in my head but I've been so overwhelmingly busy that I haven't had time to flesh them out. Tomorrow I will be sitting in a training all day...which means I will probably get to finally work some out.

I felt I  needed to at least write something since I am suppose to write everyday this month. That's really hard in case you didn't know that. Its also hard to write about the same topic. Its also hard to write when you are overwhelmed and don't feel motivated. So I guess that is why its a challenge and I'll appreciate pushing through come Nov. 1.

I did hear a funny story today. Its going to be the basis for my post tomorrow. All about how Holly is really vindictive...and not hateful for those of you who tuned in to I am hateful on Monday.

So the moral of today's post is. Sometimes you have to be patient. I am not a patient person by nature, but I'm hoping you forgive me for the non existent post today. I'll try to make it up to you.
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31 days of relationships.....your hairdresser

I visited my hair dresser this evening. I have had years hell decades of awful hair. I've had hair dressers that don't listen to what I wanted and wouldn't look at the pictures I've got if what I want.

I met my current hair dresser about 9 years ago. She had just graduated from beauty school. It was love at first sight. She listens, she likes to try new things. She always does a great job. She's been through 2 husbands of mine, she's been through a boyfriend and I'm sure she will be around for several more. 

Funny thing my high school guidance counselor said I should be a hair dresser. Her exact words were "you're a pretty good you should be hair dresser"  little did she know I didn't and still don't, ever do anything to my hair. 

This is what she does for me 

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31 days of Relationships.....Coworkers

I love my job. I may or may not have mentioned that before. It is without a doubt the job I dreamed of having when I was in college. Its a answer to so many prayers that I get to do what I do. There are only about 16 people in the whole state that do my job. I love my coworker. The one I share my office with and the ones that work out of other offices. I also love all the counterparts to my job across the state. How many people can say that?

Before I got this job I was working with some great people at my center. I was teaching Head Start and I loved the kids and most of the parents. My bosses were nightmares. They were the rudest people ever. They did as little as possible, demanding out of this world expectations and gave you nothing to work with. My room would have never had anything had I not brought it from home. It was terrible working conditions. They also loved to tear you down. On top of that I would have made more money had I been working at McDonalds. I kid you not. I had a BS and was making less than 20 thousand a year. Don't even ask me how I survived. I am just damn good budgeting money when I have to. If you want to hear me talk about Brain Development from conception to age three or the correct way to teach Thanksgiving and other Winter Holidays let me know and I can sign you up to attend the conference.  

Since I love my current boss and my coworkers so much I've thought often about the difference between this job and the last and have come up with some ways to be a good boss and coworker. Just in case you have a coworker that you can't get along with you can show them my list.

Top 10 ways to be the best coworker

1. Respect quiet time. If your coworker looks busy they probably are. Don't pick that time to tell them all about your night.
2. Listen to them. If they are telling you the same story for the 20th time its ok to politely say I've heard about your grandma's bunion surgery before, lets talk about me for while.
3. Ask before using something. We have a mini fridge in the office and we keep drinks in. If one of us runs out of something to drink we ask before taking anything that belongs to our coworker
4. Don't be stingy. If your coworker is asking to borrow something don't say no if its not a big deal
5. Do nice things for each other. We always do little things for each other. For an example she was on a conference call this week, but wanted some coffee. I was going down the hall anyway, so I brought her back some coffee.
6. Be up front about your feelings. If you are having a bad day, just go ahead and say it. That way when you started running around the room screaming you won't make her think she caused the freak out by bringing up the bunion story again
7. Keep your mouth shut. It may be tempting to gossip but don't. Don't gossip to them or about them. It just causes drama that doesn't need to be there
8. Do something fun together that isn't just work. My coworker and I walk together. We are both trying to lose weight so we've been each others weight lose support system.
9. Do your share. Don't leave your work for your coworker. My coworker and I do different things. We have different titles and different roles and responsibilities so this is easy for us. We each have our own thing to do. But if you work in a place with several people who all do the same thing, don't ask them to do your work for you.
10. Offer to be a sounding board for their ideas. We bounce stuff off of each other all the time and get some of our best ideas from brain storming.

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31 days of Relationships....I'm hateful

Last night Abbey came home from visiting with her dad. She was so excited about a conversation they had about religion and what their thoughts and beliefs were. In the course of this conversation I got the impression that she and Greg were saying that I am not a nice person. So I came out and asked......

Do you think I'm hateful?

He said yes without hesitating and she said I go from hateful to cranky to wanting to be left alone. So there you go. You learn something new about yourself everyday. I would by no means classify myself as hateful. I don't take crap from people and I don't tolerate when people are rude/mean to me. But I am never just hateful.....but I guess I am. He said I should ask myself throughout the day if I am a happy and chipper person. Which I guess I am not.

He also said If I decide I don't like someone no amount of anything will get me to like them again. Well yeah, because I don't just dislike people for no reason. Everyone I dislike has done something to me or someone that I love.
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31 days of Relationships.....The people who disappear

Yesterday was a long day for me.
  • woke up at 6 to get Abbey to the school
  • Got home almost midnight
Last year and all the years before when I would go to a competition I had Greg's assistants wife to sit with. I had known her before Greg and I got together, so that was nice. She is a great person. I loved watching competitions with her. We just had to look at each other and know what the other was thinking about the band on the field.

Her husband left as assistant this year so Greg has a new assistant (that's a girl, so I have no new wife to sit with) The only other time I have seen their band this year I was working the competition because it was the competition that Abbey's band hosts. I sat with Abbey for this.

I was feeling this loss of Jan yesterday. I wore Greg's shirt to the field since Abbey went on later, I took hers. I saw a parent I didn't know sitting in the stand wearing one of Greg's shirt so I sat down beside her. She said I am (insert name here) I'm (kids) mom, which one is yours. I said none I am Greg's girl friend. She said oh yeah I haven't seen you this year. She sat there maybe 2 more minutes and then got up and left. So I sat there alone. Missing Jan and wondering why these people can't stand me.


A few minutes later I see my former pastor and his wife start up the stands. I hadn't seen them in years. I'm Methodist and our pastors move around. He was my pastor in my hometown and then was transferred to the town that I work in. So they've been my pastor for two different churches. They were transferred a few years ago to a few hours away. I miss these people. They are such good people. We have kid the same age too. Their child is in band and were competing too. (their child's school actually came in 1st overall) They have a great show. It was awesome. Greg's band ended up performing at finals and so did Abbey's and my pastors child. But there was a break between prelims and finals. Greg took his kids to change clothes since they performed early. I had no where to go for an hour. So I walked back to my office and ate alone at my desk. Yeah its a depressing as it sounds. I felt like this.


My point is, people leave your life sometimes not because they want to, but because circumstances make it so. When they are able to come back into your life its so nice. Sometimes it works out timing wise that you are missing someone really bad, and someone else comes to make it better. I really needed that yesterday.
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31 days of Relationships.......10 things my 2nd Divorce taught me

Ok yesterday I talked about how I just don't know how to work on a relationship. I should clarify I wasn't referring to the everyday compromises like you want chicken and I want lasagna, or when one of you puts the toilet paper facing the wrong way. I was talking about when things are a little larger.

I started to tell a story about marriage number 2 but honestly it still makes me mad to think about, so I think I'll save the story for another day and skip on ahead to what it all taught me.

1. If someone seems perfect and like everything you've ever wanted then its probably not real. The phrase too good to be true exists for a reason

2. Listen to your kids or friends and family. If they are voicing massive concern then you need to run. My sister and children all told me it was a train wreck waiting to happen. I didn't listen

3. The house is not everything. I loved the house, I still love the house. I miss the deck that hung over the driveway nestled into the trees. I miss the cathedral ceilings and the open floor plan. I miss it all. It was like my own personal tree house

4. If your walking down the aisle thinking of someone else (Greg) then you shouldn't be walking down the aisle

5. In laws can break a relationship. My mother in law was the devil. I hate this women.

6. You don't have to cut everyone out of your life. He had the most amazing niece. I loved her so much. She was so much like me. I still have her in my life.

7. How strong I am....AGAIN! It was hard to leave. It was hard to admit that I made a huge mistake. In the end I joked about it. I made my mistake become a story on how inept I am at relationships

8.If they apologize and want you back, be suspicious. Either they don't remember how bad it was, or they are so lonely they don't care

9. There are some things I can not and will not "get over" no matter how much time passes and that is hurting my children. Especially when the pre planning of it is lied about. My ex mother in law is a bitch and I hate that woman. Its been years and I still would punch her in the face for making my girls cry and ask me over and over why they don't like them.

10. That I have will power. You have no idea how much I wanted to cause massive destruction to my mother in law and by extension the husband because among one things my mother in law invited us to a Christmas party and then preceded to allow the other children in presence to open about 30 presents a piece in front of my children and  then call me names because I was angry that they were rude and thoughtless



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31 days of relationships....I don't know how to work

I have a confession. I don't know how to work on relationships. I've had relationships. I have even had a marriage or two. They have even lasted 11 years....or at least one of them did. The other only lasted 8 excruciating  months. I could count the reasons why they didn't work, it would take both hands, and maybe some extra hands that I don't have. But the BIG factor I see is I just don't understand the concept of working on a relationship. Why do they take work? Here is what I am doing. Maybe you can tell me what I am doing wrong because they keep ending.
  • Suspect the problem
  • confront the problem
  • talk about the problem until I am comfortable that its settled
  • realize its not settled
  • try to talk about it some more
  • realize my back is to a wall and no one is budging
  • leave before I go insane
That's pretty much it. It just repeats. Different problem but same cycle. So what am I doing wrong?

Somewhere in there I even went to therapy. With the first marriage I went alone and as a couple with the second it was just as a couple. What I realized is therapy doesn't work...at least not for me.

What I am running into is.
  • Guys deny problems
  • I keep badgering about the problem
  • see bulleted points above
This is not healthy, or maybe it is healthy and I'm just not seeing it.

My friend had this as her facebook status a few days ago.
I'm really hoping that the mention of the Grass being Greener is not a reference to me.
 
I tell very few people in my real life about this blog and as far as I know only 2 of them read it. The rest just wait for me to tell them  if I think something is  particularly amazing. But that's not to say someone reads me and doesn't come out and say, "Hey Holly I'm stalking your blog and I think its shitty that you can't stay married" Not that I think they are really thinking that.
 
So I am open to suggestions since it appears that my current relationship needs an overhaul too and if I do what I've always done, I'll get what I've always gotten. How do you work on a relationship? Should relationships even have to be worked on? Am I doomed to repeat the cycle of date, marry divorce like my icon Liz Taylor? 
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31 days of Relationships.....Blogger Friends

Sometimes in life you may meet people. But maybe you can't actually say you've met them because you've never actually seen them, or spoken to them, and you may not be 100% convinced they really exist at all. Nonetheless, they become a part of your day. If are like me your day looks something like this.
  • Wake up.
  • Fight with little people who are trying to steal your favorite clothes.
  • Feed the animals who try to steal your breakfast.
  • Work where you wonder why someone won't steal anything off your to-do list,
  • And finally, Catch up on some serious reading
By serious I mean my favorite blogs. My day is not complete until I have read what Stephanie is doing over at Not Entirely Perfect or Sarah at Venus Trapped in Mars, or Bryan and Brandon at A Beer for the Shower. Yesterday I had a fantastic surprise, (ok not a surprise since I bought it, and they told me to expect it) Bryan and Brandon's book, a collection of short stories called,  The Graveyard Shift came in the mail. I can't put it down. It is FANTASTIC! You can buy it here. I even had mine signed. I was the first, unless they are telling everyone that. In that case I'm a little sad.

I suggest you stop in an visit Stephanie, Sarah, and Brandon and Bryan. They will make you laugh, and nod your head in agreement with their take on life and who can't use a good laugh. But if you are wanting to be freaked out definitely buy the Graveyard Shift. You won't be disappointed. I read the Bedridden Honeymoon before bed.....totally did NOT expect that ending. Then after I thought about it awhile I sat up in bed thinking ewwww......and then went and got a plate of cookies.




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31 days of Relationships.......My lovey


There is 1 guy that has always been there for me.

Never complains about anything.

Has loved me from the moment he saw me and has loved me every second since.

He is kinda furry.

He could use a hair cut

He could also stand a bath.

But I love him right back. Mostly because I think he would fight a bear for me.....any bear, not just a stuffed one from build a bear.

See once upon a time, I worked for a home health agency and I was doing a home visit and this little guy would not let me do my job. He wanted me to hold him, and kiss him, and only pay attention to him. When I got ready to leave, but patient said go ahead and take him, he likes you better than me anyway. And that's where my love of little furball Shih Tzus started.



People without pets miss out on the weird relationship that pet owners have with their furbabies. I am so happy that Westley made me be his owner.

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10 things my divorce taught me

 I had apparently written this post awhile back and didn’t find it until I was cleaning my office. I had shoved it in a bag. Since I have several friends going through divorces, and its the first official day of the 31 days of challenge, it seemed like an appropriate time to share. I haven't planned out any posts for the month, I haven't even really thought about topics. At this point I hope I can keep attempting to be funny and not have the challenge be a giant therapy session.
Top 10 things my (first) divorce taught me
 

1.      People are passionate about your business. For some reason they think they are an expert on your life and know what is best for you to do. Believe me; they aren’t afraid to offer advice and then trash talk you, when you don’t follow it.

2.      You find out who your friends are. It’s not uncommon to lose friends during a divorce. I don’t know why people feel the need to choose sides, but they do. It’s like a reverse wedding and everyone is sitting on the left or the right depending on who they support. I’m sad to say I lost custody of some friends due to the divorce.

3.      I was stronger than I thought I was. By the end I was just relieved. I felt like I was laying on the beach after a 10 mile run. Or what I imagine that would feel like. I’d never be able to run 10  1 mile.

4.      Children are resilient. My kids broke my heart crying over the divorce. Emmy had episodes of peeing on herself. As someone whose job is working with teachers and children plus my BS in early childhood development I was internally hysterical. I couldn’t stop worrying about all the damage I was doing. When the dust settled the kids are fine.

5.      It’s possible for two angry, hurt, emotionally scarred people to put petty differences aside and truly do what’s right. An example is we have shared custody with no primary custodial parent. We split everything down the middle.

6.      Don’t sweat the small stuff. I know I mentioned this is in my post about annoying phrases but it’s true. So what if they don’t do everything exactly like they would if they were at your house. It’s not your house and what works for them may not be the same for you both. Although I would suggest agreeing on big things like bed time and caffeine intake.

7.      Don’t rush the healing process. Take time for yourself and the kids if you have them. Don’t feel you need to fill your life with a replacement right away. I did and that ended up in a divorce less than a year later. Two divorces in two years is a hard lesson to learn. Be in the now and work on your hurt, grieve, then move on.

8.      If you start to date don’t drag your kids into it until you are pretty sure it’s going to last awhile. They are resilient but they still need structure and routine. Different guys/girls is confusing for kids. They become afraid to form attachments for fear that the person will leave. Greg and I had been dating for 9 months before the girls ever met him. I saw him while the girls were at their dads. I also limited how much I talked about him in front of them.

9.      Take yourself out of potential drama before it happens. In the beginning of my divorce my ex would share his frustration over the thing happening on his facebook. He kinda treated it like a blog. I was friends with him, so I could see what he was saying, and I could see the negative comments from others. So I unfriended him. I didn’t want to see that. I eventually had to block him, because I found myself wanting to still read what he was saying. That was the best decision ever. I don’t need to interrupt his feelings and I don’t need to read comments from people who think they knew what was going on. I needed to focus on me and helping the girls.

10.  Don’t EVER say anything even remotely negative about the other party in ear shot of the kids (I’ll even extend that to don’t say anything about their family either). They love these people as much as they love you and doing this will make them feel weird about their feelings. You don’t want them to feel like they need to choose, or defend the other party, or keep their feelings a secret. It will only cause resentment in the long run. If you have a new partner, don’t let them do it as well. I overheard a step mom saying that Her kids need to go back to “the mom” that night. She ranted about how worthless the mom was and the whole tone was just snarky. I cringed inside. She will only hurt her relationship with the girls if they were to hear her use that tone. No matter how awful the relationship, no matter what the woman (or man) has done, bite your tongue, and watch your tone.
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