I'm back....Did you miss me?

Hi remember me? Sorry I took a week off without telling anyone. I was depressed. I stopped taking my meds because I hate how I feel on them. Imagine feeling like you are watching yourself go through life and feel nothing. I rationally think to myself wow I should be feeling (insert random emotion) right now, but I feel nothing. Life was spent in a fog.

I was diagnosed several years ago. I kind of had an event that made my sister force me to see a doctor. Apparently its frowned upon to SCREAM (and pretty hysterically too) at a gas station attendant because they required you to prepay but did not provide pay at the pump. It really pushed me over the edge. Heather told me I was acting like mom, a phrase that struck fear into my soul and sent me running as fast as I could  to Dr. Sexy. I took the meds regularly up until divorce number 2. Its not that I thought I was cured, its that I thought that feeling ANYTHING would be better than feeling nothing at all.

Last week was for whatever reason the exception to that. I hadn't felt that low in a couple of years, but I found myself crying at work, crying myself to sleep at night, crying while driving to and from work. Pretty much just crying all the time. I also had a cold, which sucked. So now I am taking my meds again and will be making another appointment with Dr. Sexy, so don't worry about me, I'm on the mend.

Somehow I managed to keep this from Greg for the 4 years we've been together. But its harder to hide when you spend 7 days a week together. He hasn't mentioned my dramatic tear filled Friday night. I just want to be held and told its going to be ok. I want to believe it really will. I want to feel better. I hate taking any kind of medication, but something I have to take every single day is the worst. Especially when I don't really feel better I just don't feel like crying for no reason anymore.

So what did you miss this week, other than me getting choked up and crying at everything?

Abbey made all district band. And it had nothing to do with living with the judge, because it was a blind audition.

Elle had a good visit with the vet and now we don't have to worry about lil kitties from her.

I had a pretty ok skin cancer screening. I have 2 places that are possible precancerous and I should have them taken care of. So has Greg said at least I know early.

I crossed two things off my 101 list.

I read two books

5 comments

  1. I suffer from depression too, so I've been through that fog many a time. Welcome back!

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  2. One day at a time. You have lots of wonderful things on the list! And I'm happy to have yo back to blogging :) What'd you cross off your 101 list?

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  3. So glad you are back! So awesome that Abbey made all district band.

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  4. There are many medications available for depression. You just need to find the right one for you. Prozac made me feel like a zombie. I didn't even cry at my brother's funeral. It was very bizarre. Just make sure Dr. Sexy knows what he's doing and is willing to work to get the correct meds for you. Sometimes it takes a long time, but it's worth when it starts to make you feel better.

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