Why I won't be Black Friday Shopping

Happy Thanksgiving!! I know some of you are carb loading today, so you can survive the Hunger Games Black Friday Shopping. I've been there, I've done that. I will never do it again or at least not anytime in the foreseeable future. I admire all you black Friday shoppers. You are brave people. I realized several years ago that I don't have what it takes to black Friday shop. I am too weak, I am too wimpy. I am too lazy. I've complied a little list for y'all so you understand just why you won't be seeing me out on black Friday.

  1. No deal is good enough to get me out of bed that early. Especially since to even remotely get to a store worth shopping at I'd have to drive. 30+ miles to the nearest WalMart and 60+ for anything better than that. Yeah I weep for me too. 
  2. Crowds. I hate people. Not you, I love you. Its other people I hate. Its the people who wander aimlessly, the people who stand in the middle of the aisles, the people who are running around frantic, the people with a million questions, the people in PJ's. Hell I know its the but crack of dawn and no sane person should be out of the house, but come on but some pants on. Who am I kidding people don't wear pants to the store anytime during the day much less 3:00 am day after Thanksgiving. 
  3. Screaming kids. Ok so maybe there aren't a huge amount of screaming kids at black Friday, but there are screaming and crying adults. So what If I've just snatched the last hot new toy from your cart. Is that REALLY a reason to cry like a baby? I think not. Basically this just goes back to hating people. 
  4. Long lines. Lines waiting for the doors to open, lines waiting to check out. I am not a patient person AT ALL. I went to get my oil changed yesterday. I REALLY needed to get it changed since I am driving to Cleveland OH this weekend. When they told me that the wait was going to be 2 hours I said bye. I just can't do it. I waited with Emmy at the dr for an hour and 15 before we were seen and we had an appointment. I can't handle this. I also couldn't handle that Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was on, but that's a different post. 
  5. Not getting what you wanted. I went every year for about 3 years wanted the 5 dollar mini chopper. I NEVER got it. They are always sold out. I started to wonder if this 5 dollar chopper even existed. I'm thinking it did not and it was a ploy to get you into the store to buy the 94" TV for 200 dollars. So after years of going home with a cart full of junk I didn't need a no mini chopper. One year after taking a decade long break from black Friday I decided to go with my mom and sister. We had a plan. We divided and conquered. Mom stayed stationary and watched the cart. Heather and I would weave our way to the different areas we needed stuff from. Slide under the manic crowd and grab from below. This worked AWESOME! I got the barbies Abbey wanted. The Cabbage Patch Dolls Emmy wanted. I felt on top of the world. Then I started running into family members asking What does your girls want for Christmas. They had that deer in a headlight look. They were panicked and you could tell. You would have thought it was 7pm on Christmas Eve. So I started pulling from the cart. I got to the check out line and realized I just Christmas shopped for everyone in my family except for myself.  
So this year, while you are up before its even really gotten dark out, and you are standing outside in the cold or inside in a stuffy line smelling the people around you who decided today would be a good day to skip a bath. I will be sleeping and waking up late eating my weight in bacon and watching junk on tv while shopping from the comfort of my couch. But if you happen to see the elusive 5 dollar mini chopper pick me up one. 

5 things I hate about winter

We are getting our first winter storm tonight. Right now its just raining, but its suppose to be turning to snow later. Which means the next 4 months will be me cussing at people more than usual, if that possible.Why am I so hateful to other people you ask? Well here ya go. The top 5 reason I hate winter.

1. When there is a warning of snow  the grocery stores get emptied of bread and milk. I hate walking into the store hoping that I can run in, grab what I want, and the run back out. But the lines are always seriously long. Seriously people we don't live that far from civilization. You will survive without buying every loaf of bread in the store.

2. People who can't drive in snow. I am not the best driver on snow, but I don't speed, or try passing, or swerve like a crazy person.I want to shout instead I just flip them off, and then wave when they are stuck in a ditch.

3. Scarves. I love how scarves look. I love them on other people, but when I wear one. I feel like I am being choked to death.

4. It makes walking outside different. I'll be getting a membership to the walking track on campus, but right now it just means I come up with excuses about why I can't go outside.

5. Flu. Its the time of year when everyone has a cold and yet they insist they have the flu. Running nose? It must be the flu.I want to smack people whenever I hear them say they have the flu. Instead I just start naming all the symptoms. Yeah bitch this is not the flu you have a cold.


All a matter of perspective

I have losing weight listed on my 101 list. I have made no secret that I've gained 20 ish pounds in the last year and a half. I've not been happy about that. My pants haven't fit and I've felt sluggish. In August my co worker and I started walking. We didn't really diet. I tried to cut back on my dr pepper and actually cut all alcohol out until I lost 10 pounds. I also stopped snacking in the afternoon.

The result is I lost 10 pounds and then gained 2 pack when we stopped walking, because its been sooooo cold. I still have 12 pounds to go, but I'm feeling better. Its weird to be the same weight I was this time last year. Last year I would look at the scale and ask myself why  I was so fat? This year I look at the scale and think How awesome is it that I've come so far. Yes, I've gained some back, but it the long term that I am focused on not the short week to week. This time next year I want to look at the scale and think I've finally done it, I've finally reached my goal weight.

I'm hoping that I can survive the holiday season without completely ruining everything that I've done. Here is a shot of progress. My goal is to walk more. I was walking about 2 miles a day. I haven't walked 2 miles in a week. Its just so cold here, and I really hate the cold.
Another matter of perspective is Abbey and her boyfriend. Sunday made them a month of dating. She posted a cutesy post about how happy she was. Then came the comments.
  • My mom: He seems like a good kid so he can live and I will allow him to date you lol haha

  • The Boyfriend D'awh! It's been amazing being yours and you being mine. I can't think of a better way to have spent this month than with you. I know it's just been one month, but many more will follow. You're perfect. Oh and thank you Melanie, I'll treat her right, promise!

  • Their Youth Pastor: Correy knows that I will hunt him down if he hurts her. And he still has a healthy fear of the big bald man. At least he better. But Correy is a good guy. And he better stay that way.

  • Her Grandpa on dads side: She is 13.Where's the grown ups.She still is a child.

  • My Mom: Yes she is a child but they are chaperoned if correy touches her in other than decent way i will hunt him down and you know mike will put the fear of god into him

  • Her grandpa on dads side: Buddies are permissive. Parents are careful.
  • My dad: correy it aint Melanie and it aint mike you have to worry about, james we're on the same page here...
  • Me:  Where are the adults? I'm always with them, that's where I am. I've known Correy for YEARS he's a great guy. Trust me I trust Correy more than I do 90% of the guys in her own class.
    From where I see things. They are two kids who like each other and do normal teenage dating things. He comes over and hangs out, goes shopping with us, they do youth group together and  we go out to eat. If I am not with them, then another adult is. I don't know if its the fact that he is 17 that is aggravating people or if its that she has a boyfriend at all. Either way having someone suggest that I am her buddy and not a parent pisses me off. Anyone who knows me knows that she is parented. Hell she is probably one of the best behaved and well mannered kids her age. I have known him for years and he is a good kid. I trust him more than I trust some of the boys in her class. I think he is looking as he was when he was in high school and there is no comparison.

Christmas Memories

I love the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas are my faves. Not necessarily for the family time, because I don't really like my family. I mentioned that last week. So no need to rehash that.

I want my kids to have a tradition. We would put the Christmas tree up the day after Thanksgiving.  When I was growing up we always did Christmas Eve with moms family and Christmas day at home and at dads Family. We would open presents for our house on Christmas eve.

I hate that the girls are 13 and 9 and we don't have a routine or tradition. We always alternated what family we would spend the holidays with. Which made it easy when we got divorced because we just kept the same rotation.

This year we are having a little struggle. Its my year to have the girls for Christmas Eve. Ok thats not the problem. Thats awesome! Here are some of the issues.

Greg refuses to be anywhere for Christmas Eve but with his mom. I've always had ex husbands that would alternate holidays because they realized I wanted to spend time with my family too. Greg will do Thanksgiving with me, but not Christmas. This makes me feel weird. It doesn't hurt my feeling exactly, but I can't put my finger on exactly what I'm feeling.

Emmy doesn't really care. Abbey said she likes Greg's parents and his brother but when everyone is together (he has another brother that comes in from NC and two nieces and their children) she feels like she is an intruder. I understand I feel like that on some level too. They are all really nice to me (and the girls), don't get me wrong.

See I think some of Abbey's feelings come from the only Christmas we spent with anyone that wasn't either their dads family or my family. Ex husband number 2 only lasted 8 months. There were lots of things that were wrong but one of the biggest was how my girls were treated by his family at Christmas. to make a very long story shorter I will say that his family lived in the same town as us and yet they had 3 separate Christmas gatherings. Gathering #1 I never really understood what it was about. They told me the day before the event saying they thought they told us when it was. I had plans and I refused to change my plans. A couple days later was Gathering #2 which I THOUGHT was the kids would be exchanging the gifts with the kids whose name they drew. What it turned out to be was his sister allowed her grandkids to open all the presents she and his mom (the great grandma) bought the other kids that were there. Meaning every kid there opened about 30 presents each, in front of my kids. My girls were confused and hurt and started cry. I tried explaining to the girls what was going on. Inside I was fuming. How could they be so thoughtless that they couldn't see that allowing this would be hurtful to my kids? When I found out that the adults talked about it prior to us arriving and even when the parent of one of the children pointed out how hurtful it would be still decided to do it, I nearly lost my mind with anger. Its several years ago now and I'm still mad about it. The ex was oblivious. When the girls told him how he felt he was defending them, until it came out that they knew it was insensitive and then he demanded that it wasn't going to effect us....Yes it did effect us. He never grasped what we were feeling. His family never apologized.  They see that they did no wrong. Its not a matter of presents. The girls didn't want for anything. But to have it pointed out in front of a crowd that you are different and don't belong and are basically just an intruder interfering with their family function....it hurts. It was their way of saying, you may be married but you are not our family.

Greg and I are not married. That's no secret. So where does that leave the girls and I at his families function? I understand that the girls are scared to attempt this again. They'd rather do Christmas with family people we don't like instead of people we like.Greg and I have talked about what to do. We've decided that there may be times that we don't spend Christmas together. I think this feels weird. I've never known a committed couple that spent Christmas apart. But if he isn't willing to give a little what else can I do? His ex girlfriend spent every major holiday with his family. As much as I dislike my family I want to feel like its somewhat fair for my end. What would you do?

I bought an Advent calendar to decorate. I can't wait to get it set up. We've never done that before, but its something I'd like to start. We set our Christmas tree up already, which caused a stir amongst some of my friends. Apparently they think I should wait until after Thanksgiving. Bah! I also took the girls (and Correy Abbey's boyfriend) to the Kentucky Horse Park to see Southern Lights. We haven't done this in a long time.


Friday 5

Well its Friday my favorite work day. This has been a pretty low key week. I haven't really gotten back into the habit of writing after my week depression induced hiatus. But here were the high points.

1. I realized that while I use to think Westley looked like a crazy lion or buffalo (when he has just been groomed) in general he looks like a bobble head dog. How can a dog so little have such a head of 80's hair. I almost bought him a shirt hat said bad hair day. I think I may go back and get it. If any doggie needed it, its Wes.

2. My calzone smiled at me. I was creeped out and humored by this.

3. My ipsy bag came and I was sooooo excited to get the EM lip balm. Nearly everything else went to my sister and Abbey though.

4. I finished painting Emmy's chest and she loved it. I think the room is finally  ready for a reveal next week.

5. I'm putting my Christmas tree up tonight. Abbey's boyfriend is coming over to help. Have I mentioned the best (ok not really the best) part of having a teenager is having an eager to please boyfriend do things around the house.

I'm linking up with Lauren Elizabeth for H54F

The Impatient Gift Giver

I knew I was going to do it. I knew I couldn't be trusted. I just can't keep presents a secret. If I'm excited about them, and know they will be loved, I want to just hand it over.

That's what I did. Do you remember last year when I ran over my sisters dog Princess Buttercup and then felt so awful that I bought her Inigo Montoya (yes Princess Bride....I have Westley in case you  didn't know) I found out a couple of weeks ago that she had been carrying a lock of Buttercups hair with her. It was in a ziplock bag. I nearly cried. How sweet is that. So I got the bright idea of what to get her for Christmas. A Origami Owl locket with a rhinestone paw print and then I planned to steal some Buttercup hair and stick into the locket. When it was all ready I was so excited and wanted to give it to her. I had plans to take it to my office and hide it from myself until Christmas. She surprised me by visiting on Sunday. I didn't have a chance to hide the locket from myself.

I found myself asking her to hold out her hand and close her eyes. This is a trick I've done several times in the past. Of course she had to bring up the time I gave her a hamster. She liked that Hamster don't let her act like I was trying to be mean.

Now I'm looking for something to get her for Christmas that tops the locket. Any ideas?

Ba Humbug

Its holiday time. The time of year that my family expects me to make my once a year visit. I alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a GIANT affair with my extended family (to my 2 great aunts and uncles) all gathered together. Christmas is just my moms family.  This year is suppose to be Christmas.  I don't want to go. I don't like 90% of my family and I've been in a rough place mood wise and I don't feel like I have the willpower to keep my mouth shut. Greg will be with his family (he's never not spent Christmas with them and doesn't really want to start now)

I'm at a point in my life where I would rather spend my time with people who are always in my corner and have my best interest at heart. Not to make my mom and grandma stroke out because I am letting all the skeletons out of the closet, but to give you an idea of what I'm dealing with.

Here are the top reasons I have very little Christmas cheer for my family.

1. When I was leaving ex husband I asked my grandma if she would co sign a home loan for me. My credit was rough, but I had enough income on my own to cover the cost. Grandma asked my aunt and she advised Grandma not to do it....so she didn't and I had to pay double what a home would have cost for a rental and it had no central air. I moved every 6 month for a year and a half. Some of the places I lived were pretty scary. I hold a grudge better than anyone I know. I've never forgiven my aunt. I forgave Grandma somewhat because she paid half of divorce #2. But since she GAVE my cousin her house when she moved to her senior citizen party palace it was still hard to do.

2. My cousins (except for 3) are always in and out of either prison & jail. It alternates between the  two. Honestly I'd rather my kids not be around criminals.

3. They married pill whores White Trash. Who neglect their children because. They are too busy sleeping around to be bothered.

4. I just don't know that I can bite my tongue enough to keep from getting arrested for assault.  Last week Parent of the Year let her baby fall off the bed when he was crying so hard  he was gasping for air until he slumped over she did the completely logical thing.....SHOOK HIM! Now how in the world do you think I can keep from slapping a bitch after seeing stuff like that? I can't.

Mom tried to guilt trip me to get me to come  to Christmas. It didn't work. In order to be guilted you have to care a little about the topic in question. As much as I like a few people in my family, I dislike the rest strongly enough to know I need to spend Christmas in a stress free environment. I already have a separate Christmas at my house for my dad and my sister. I invited mom this year too.


I'm back....Did you miss me?

Hi remember me? Sorry I took a week off without telling anyone. I was depressed. I stopped taking my meds because I hate how I feel on them. Imagine feeling like you are watching yourself go through life and feel nothing. I rationally think to myself wow I should be feeling (insert random emotion) right now, but I feel nothing. Life was spent in a fog.

I was diagnosed several years ago. I kind of had an event that made my sister force me to see a doctor. Apparently its frowned upon to SCREAM (and pretty hysterically too) at a gas station attendant because they required you to prepay but did not provide pay at the pump. It really pushed me over the edge. Heather told me I was acting like mom, a phrase that struck fear into my soul and sent me running as fast as I could  to Dr. Sexy. I took the meds regularly up until divorce number 2. Its not that I thought I was cured, its that I thought that feeling ANYTHING would be better than feeling nothing at all.

Last week was for whatever reason the exception to that. I hadn't felt that low in a couple of years, but I found myself crying at work, crying myself to sleep at night, crying while driving to and from work. Pretty much just crying all the time. I also had a cold, which sucked. So now I am taking my meds again and will be making another appointment with Dr. Sexy, so don't worry about me, I'm on the mend.

Somehow I managed to keep this from Greg for the 4 years we've been together. But its harder to hide when you spend 7 days a week together. He hasn't mentioned my dramatic tear filled Friday night. I just want to be held and told its going to be ok. I want to believe it really will. I want to feel better. I hate taking any kind of medication, but something I have to take every single day is the worst. Especially when I don't really feel better I just don't feel like crying for no reason anymore.

So what did you miss this week, other than me getting choked up and crying at everything?

Abbey made all district band. And it had nothing to do with living with the judge, because it was a blind audition.

Elle had a good visit with the vet and now we don't have to worry about lil kitties from her.

I had a pretty ok skin cancer screening. I have 2 places that are possible precancerous and I should have them taken care of. So has Greg said at least I know early.

I crossed two things off my 101 list.

I read two books


Best Christmas App

I started seeing the Christmas decorations in stores months ago. It seems like it gets earlier and earlier every year. But one thing I've always started early is Christmas shopping.

I usually just make a spread sheet and check stuff off when I buy it. I wanted something different for this year. Mainly because I kept losing the sheet last year. I downloaded several apps to test them out.

This one was without a doubt my favorite.

The Christmas List Cost 1.99

What you get.

Able to make separate groups. I have a them separated by when I will be opening them. I have a Family, Grandma's House,  Greg's Family, Holly's House, and work and school.

You are able to change the icon by the persons name to individual pics, or one that is uniform for the group. I chose to make each icon represent the group.

You can track how much you spend,

track your progress with purchases, wrapping, shipping, and received.

You can keep track of the stores you need things from,

and see the group totals.

Today I am Thankful for Apple because for all the grief they gave me with the ipod touch, they've redeemed themselves with all the positives of the iphone.

Guess what happened to me?

I commented on a FB post....Yes I know I need to stay away from that hot mess. I don't know why I still read it. Anyway. I commented on a post and it was a stupid challenge thingy and I had to change my status to one of these.
So I chose the confession one.
And people commented and I send them messages with the above pic. I couldn't do it. I'm not that evil. I sent them a message explaining what I had to do. They laughed and told me they hated me. But one person asked ok if you did have to confess something what would it be.
Oh wow!
Do I really have to? Apparently so. So I said I'm lonely.


Dating and Shoes

Abbey is dating.

Well kinda.

She is at that age where she has boyfriends and they never go on an actual date. Once she went to the movies but for the most part there is no "dating"

Boyfriends lasted from minutes-weeks. I'm ok with that. I encourage that actually. Its always been fun silly relationships. They'd say they were a couple and then hardly ever talk because they were both still hanging out with their own friends.

Then it started to get real.

Not so real that I am worried or even concerned but I noticed a shift.

She is talking to him nightly, texting, and using Skype. She's asking if they can hang out and see each other.

I really like him, he's a great kid.

Emmy is taking it hard. She said today that she didn't know why Abbey needed a boyfriend when she had her to hang out with.

I said dating is like shopping for shoes. You try on as many pairs as you can so you can find that perfect pair that looks good with all your outfits, smells great (yeah I love to sniff leather shoes), and are super comfy. When you find that shoe you buy it. Its your shoe forever....but sometimes that shoe gets a hole in it that can't be fixed and you have to buy a new pair.

What worries me is we are at the start of real dating, the start of when heartache begins. I hope she can avoid that, but odds are she will have her heart broken along the way. I want to lock her in the house and never let her experience things that will make her cry and will eventually turn her happy and carefree heart cold and jaded.

I know I've dated guys that my parents adored and were sad  to see leave. I know I've dated guys that they pretended to like so I wouldn't stay with, just to rebel against them. I hope I can be the right balance. I hope I can check my temper when someone breaks her heart and let her learn and grow. I hope I can let someone I like leave our lives, because he isn't the right shoe for her. I hope when a shoes is obviously wrong I can hold my tongue and let her realize for herself that he pinches her toes and clashes with her favorite outfit. But ultimately I am hoping that She finds the right shoe when the time is right, without too much stress and tears.

Shoe shopping is suppose to be fun right?

30 days of Thanks
Today I am thankful I have the girlies that I have.

Lets talk about me

Saturday I had to be out of the house at the ungodly hour of 6 in order to make it to the location of where my training was. It was just the 2nd time I had trained. The first time I ran out of things to talk about with an hour to go. This time it was at a conference so I couldn't let them leave an hour early.

I woke up feeling like I was getting a migraine. I took an over the counter migraine med. I took my prescription stuff with me, just in case I needed it.

I get to the training site. My jump drive didn't work and I couldn't get to my presentation.
Thankfully I had emailed it to myself otherwise I would have resorted to using the sex ed lesson from Mean Girls 
Then I noticed a grammatical error on my handouts.
Then my video clips wouldn't work and someone in the audience had to help me figure it out.
Then some girls in the front row fell asleep.
Yeah I am THAT exciting.
 Then we ran out of things to talk about.
The same girl suggested watching youtube videos.
So we did.
Then the next session started.
I couldn't get the smartboard to turn on.
Then my power point wouldn't play. (still not sure how we got that fixed)
Then a major part of the presentation didn't get printed, because I forgot to send it to the printer.
 Then it was over.
Then someone told me she had fun.
And a Director of a program asked me to come train for her facility.
Then I forgot about the girls napping and the other girl texting and realized you can't please everyone.
 Then I went to Hobby Lobby and Michaels
Then I came home and crashed instead of going to a friends house with Greg.
Then I realized that 99% of life can be summed up using Mean Girl Quotes.
30 days of Thanks
Nov 2- I am thankful I live in such a beautiful state. I love the sunshine and fall colors
Nov 3- I am thankful for the extra hour of sleep
Nov 4- I am thankful for my wonderful co-workers that I get to spend the day with at a retreat

I survived the week

Replacement pants have been found! I know you have worried about that, since I told you I got a hole in my favorite pair. Well, never fear I went shopping after work. Greg procrastinated forgot he needed 24X36" picture frames for Senior Night tomorrow. So, he left school early and we went to Lexington. I even went down a size. I was super excited about that. Although I was wonder is there anyone that can really wear a size 0? Even at my skinniest I couldn't wear a 0 and that was when I weighed 95 pounds (I'm not anorexic, I'm just under 5 feet tall)

While in Lexington we stopped at Logan's steakhouse for dinner. It was yummy and I am still full. Our server walked past us 3 times without saying Hi I'm, going to be your server I'll be with you in a minute, or getting our drink order, or even acknowledging that we weren't ghosts. We got up and moved to the bar where we had rolls and drinks within minutes.

While at Logan's I saw Chris Christopherson. He was sitting right across from us. I didn't want to ask for his autograph because he was probably incognito.

I didn't get hit by a tornado. Lots of wind, but the big storm we were worried about didn't happen.

My coworker's daughter is getting married. She asked me today if I'd help her make a broach bouquet. I am so excited about this I can't stand it. I'm also making her a wedding planner as a surprise. Ooops I hope she doesn't read this and know the surprise.

Is it lame that all of my High Five for Friday Highs happened on Thursday? This week has felt like its been 3 weeks long. I'm looking forward to the time change this weekend.....and Hobby Lobby.

I'm linking up with Lauren Elizabeth for High Five for Friday

Day 1 of my month of thanks. Today I am thankful I am thankful I have a safe and warm house.

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