31 days of relationships....I don't know how to work

I have a confession. I don't know how to work on relationships. I've had relationships. I have even had a marriage or two. They have even lasted 11 years....or at least one of them did. The other only lasted 8 excruciating  months. I could count the reasons why they didn't work, it would take both hands, and maybe some extra hands that I don't have. But the BIG factor I see is I just don't understand the concept of working on a relationship. Why do they take work? Here is what I am doing. Maybe you can tell me what I am doing wrong because they keep ending.
  • Suspect the problem
  • confront the problem
  • talk about the problem until I am comfortable that its settled
  • realize its not settled
  • try to talk about it some more
  • realize my back is to a wall and no one is budging
  • leave before I go insane
That's pretty much it. It just repeats. Different problem but same cycle. So what am I doing wrong?

Somewhere in there I even went to therapy. With the first marriage I went alone and as a couple with the second it was just as a couple. What I realized is therapy doesn't work...at least not for me.

What I am running into is.
  • Guys deny problems
  • I keep badgering about the problem
  • see bulleted points above
This is not healthy, or maybe it is healthy and I'm just not seeing it.

My friend had this as her facebook status a few days ago.
I'm really hoping that the mention of the Grass being Greener is not a reference to me.
 
I tell very few people in my real life about this blog and as far as I know only 2 of them read it. The rest just wait for me to tell them  if I think something is  particularly amazing. But that's not to say someone reads me and doesn't come out and say, "Hey Holly I'm stalking your blog and I think its shitty that you can't stay married" Not that I think they are really thinking that.
 
So I am open to suggestions since it appears that my current relationship needs an overhaul too and if I do what I've always done, I'll get what I've always gotten. How do you work on a relationship? Should relationships even have to be worked on? Am I doomed to repeat the cycle of date, marry divorce like my icon Liz Taylor? 

1 comment

  1. You don't look green to me, but, maybe, I need to look on your other side?

    Seriously, though, often the things that are problems are not really problems. [This is not always the case.] For instance, my wife and I used to have a disagreement over how to load the dishwasher. But, see, it's not my problem when she's doing it and not her problem when I'm doing it.

    Email me.

    ReplyDelete

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