Top 10 ways to get attention....using Facebook

To balance out the seriousness from yesterday's grandparents day post, I thought today could be all about How to use facebook  to get the attention you are obviously craving. I guess I should make a disclaimer that I used facebook to get Greg to pay attention to me. That could be a post all its own.
No it didn't involve nudity or sexting.

Ok so here we go the Top 10 ways to get attention using face book.

1. Change your relationship status. Never underestimate the power of a well phrased relationship status. Why something isn't real until its "facebook official" is beyond me. Its best to use a really random relationship like complicated or domestic partnership, or my personal fave open relationship. If someone comments on the relationship change either say I don't want to talk about it or go into painfully detailed description. I promise people LOVE this.

2. Poke everyone you can think of. Make sure you do this every time they return the poke. I've been told that this is the equivalent of asking for a booty call, but since I never get poked except by Greg I can't be 100% sure.

3. Posting about your religious/political position and calling people violent names and threatening to delete them if they comment and question what you write. Intolerance is the way to go to get attention. The louder you shout from your soap box the better. Actually while you are at it post a bunch of status updates saying if you don't like or re post a picture of Jesus you are essentially saying you hate him and want to go to hell.

4. Overly dramatic updates about how your life sucks....bonus  points for saying you are going to kill yourself.
5. Complain. The louder the better and if you can make vague references to how much your significant other sucks and you'd be better off without them, it will make it much more interesting to read. Say you are having the worst day ever....but don't want to talk about it.
6. Speaking of Vague. Say something about making a change in your life, or that you can't wait until later etc... Be creative. The more random the better.
7. Selfies. We love selfies. Props if you can show a half naked selfie
8. unverified hearing that if we post something as our status for just an hour some big company, like Microsoft will give us 2 million dollars, like this and end hunger today program will donate for each like to end world hunger, or that Facebook is charging, or selling all your info to zombies who are using to do determine who has brains and who doesn't. You get the idea. Any rumor that you hear, do not check snopes, just head directly to facbook as fast as you can, to share with the world.
9. Tell us what you ate today. Details are important here. We want recipes, pictures, we want you to tell us every juicy detail....Juicy....did you see what I did there?

10. Tell us about your day. Or lack thereof. We need to know what you do every second of everyday or what's the point of doing it.
Why shower if the world will never know that you are clean
Tell us how you need entertained, we will be entertained by your misspelled words.

Friends, just don't let your grandparents have a face book account. Social media and the elderly just don't mix.
I hope I have helped  you with your low self esteem. Following these rules should get you all the attention on facebook that you could ever want. Good luck!

1 comment

  1. lol! Yeah I don't have a facebook for allll these reasons. I don't even think about it any more, I usually just forget it exists.


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