31 days of......

About 2 hours ago I saw the 31 days of challenge/link up over at the nesting place. I wanted to do a challenge in September but you know, life kinda happened. I must be absolutely insane to even THINK about doing anything in October. Its the last month of marching season. Its when everything gets kicked into high gear, its when we have regionals.....and state. Its when I have even less time to breathe than usual. Yet hear I am seriously considering doing this challenge.

The basics. You pick a topic and write about that topic for 31 days. Sounds fun.....sounds time consuming....sounds like I've decided to do it.

Then I have to think....What the crap am I going to write about for a month? I went back and forth on topics. I thought about Home....that gives me options. I thought about outfits. Then I remembered I'm not a fashion blogger.  I decided on the broad topic of relationships.

Because relationships can be almost anything it can be the smooshy lovey dovey make someone want to vomit love.
Relationships  can be bad and not lovey at all

Relationships can be platonic with no romance at all
So here is to the beginning of my attempt to write about relationships all month long. You know I am an expert on this subject so it should be enlightening for everyone.


The big 2-0

Apparently I have a big high school reunion coming up next year. I say apparently because in my mind there is no possible way I can be that old vintage. Yet, I’ve been added to a fb group to plan this reunion. People are sharing old pictures and stories and it got me thinking. I know, that is dangerous. The world has changed a lot since graduation day. I’m going to walk you through my world back in *cough, cough* 1994.

 Computers were a BIG deal. My great uncle had the only store in town you could buy a computer. I didn’t even own one yet. I had never heard of the internet, or email. To save stuff you used a floppy disk...that wasn’t very floppy.

Cell phones were in a bag or in your car. Not many people even had one. I dated a guy that had a phone in his truck, but when I used it once and he had a 200 bill I wasn’t allowed to use it again.

CD’s were new. I remember getting our first CD player was a huge deal.  (so was our hair)

 There was hyper color clothing.....shirts that changed colors depending on body heat. There were also Coed Naked shirts....I actually miss those.

All the cool kids had a separate phone line from their parents.

Cost of a gallon of Gas $1.09

OJ Simpson had his famous slow speed chase in his white ford bronco
Major League Baseball Players Association begin a strike that caused there to be no MLB that year (although I can’t say I missed it)

Lisa Marie Presley married Michael Jackson and nearly caused the world to puke when  they kissed at the MTV awards

Kurt Cobain committed suicide and ironically it had nothing to do with the Lisa Presley/Michael Jackson kiss.....but maybe it really did.
or maybe it had something to do with the tragic fashion and hair we all had.
These pictures from the past have got to stop, I am having nightmares.

My favorite day of the week.....besides Saturday

Have I mentioned I love Fridays? I've been looking forward to this weekend for a few weeks now. Because

1. My high school Marching band is competing against Abbey's marching band tomorrow. Sadly there is no real competition. My Alma mater hasn't been good for quiet some time. It makes me sad, but what are you going to do? It will be nice to see all my old friends who are now band parents.

2. Its festival weekend in the town I live in. Which means my sister will be in town setting up her Civil War camp, although I am stealing her away to the band competition. It also means the main street to my road is closed for the craft booth so I have to drive a detour.....not fun!

3. I bought some new boots. I love them sooooo much.

4. Greg bought this wagon to haul equipment to the field when his band performs.....I am begging him to pull me around the yard. I'll let you know if he agrees to it. On a side note. I got to see his former assistant last weekend. I miss him and his wife SOOOOOO BAD :( I was hoping that we could have been a tight group FOREVER. His job change has really depressed me. Greg doesn't want to hear it, so I'll complain to you. I have no one to sit with at his competitions now. I have to sit alone. Because apparently he still has parents that hate me. In a way I take pleasure in their hatred of me, because they think about me more than I do them. I just hate being alone. I am not a loner. I need a crowd to entertain.

5. The trees are changing color and the temperature is what I like to call, light jacket weather. Its the absolute best time to be living in Kentucky.
You can see a glimps of this is the mirror of my car on number 2

This was taken about 2 weeks ago. The trees are a lot prettier now..... and I love the skid marks on the road. Obviously we don't know how to drive down here.
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and of course I am linking up with Lauren Elizabeth today

Guys you absolutely should avoid

Sometimes you may be desperate drunk, and think the following guys may be a good idea. I'm here to show you the error of that thinking. Here are 6 guys you should avoid. You may think you can change them, but you can't. Trust me. I've dating and in some cases married a few of these. Also be warned that sometime a guy can be both. In the case of a guy I married divorced that was both a mama’s boy and a commitment enthusiast. It was the mama’s boy behavior that finally did him in. That is a post all its own.

The Player You probably already know to avoid the player, you see him out with a different girl every weekend. He is the life of the party and makes everything look so fun. It’s easy to want to be around the player. He makes every girl he is with feel like number 1. You will be one of many standing in line. I have a friend that is a player. Whenever he is on the phone with a girl we ask him if he's talking to number 1,2,3,4 or 5. He's a nice guy, just not great to date unless you like sharing.

The commitment phobic He may have a long term relationship with you, but that's as far as it will go. Once it starts getting serious he will start looking for a way out. Think George Clooney. He is fun, but if you want it to go somewhere you need to look somewhere else. He may make you feel like you are the one that could get him to settle down, but in the end there will be some reason he can't follow through with the commitment.

The commitment enthusiast He is the complete opposite of the commit phobic guy. This guy wants to get married after 2 dates. He may have a few ex wives in the past and is looking to have another wife ASAP. He either is terrified of being alone, or he is just bad at relationships. It’s possible he keeps choosing the wrong women and will finally stay married once he finds the right girls, but this is extremely unlikely. He will flatter you and wait until you let your guard down and then spring. He knows all the right things to say to get you to fall head over heels for him. Once he has you, he changes completely and will make you regret ever saying yes. Now you may be thinking.....Holly, don't you have a couple of ex husbands? Yes I do....and we aren't analyzing me today. Maybe, tomorrow.

The one who thinks he is GODS gift to women He is pretty and he knows it. He is similar to the player except he may feel like no one is good enough for him and remain single. He won't hesitate to tell you all the good things about himself and may spend more time in front of the mirror getting ready than you do. He is vain, and you will spend all of your time trying to be as good looking as he thinks he is.

The Creepy Stalker Need I even explain this one? If he knows your every move you need to run. It may be flattering that he knows the name of the color your hair dresser uses, that he knows everything about you from the moment you were born, but wake up and realize that this is crazy. Being someones priority is one thing, being the only thing that they wake up for is another.

The Mama's boy He will check in with mom before any major event. What mom says is law and when you disagree with her watch out. Mom always comes first. He will ask mom her opinion on everything from your love life to what color curtains to buy. You don't need to be competing for his attention for the rest of your life. You also don't need to be compared to her every waking moment. Do yourself a favor and go ahead and leave before you get attached, or find yourself knifed in the shower like psycho.


Things that annoy me.....Helicopter parents

I don’t feel like doing a weekend recap today. You aren’t missing anything anyway. It’s the first Monday of Fall and no one in my house wanted to get up and go to work/school today. So today I thought I’d give you a little insight into something that annoys me.

 Helicopter parents. Aren’t sure what a helicopter parent is? It’s the hovering parent. A helicopter parent is the parent that has no life of their own so their children become their sole purpose for waking up each morning. Here are 15 signs that you may be a helicopter parent.
  1. You call your child’s college professor because they are sick and won’t be able to make it to their test today
  2. Your baby is 5 years old and you still try to feed them so they won’t get their clothes dirty.
  3. Your two year old still can’t walk, because her feet never touch the floor for fear of germs, or falling
  4. You are involved with every argument between your child and their friends because you don’t want anyone’s feeling hurt
  5. You post on social media about how you dislike your children’s boyfriends/girlfriends and give details why
  6. You don’t make your children go to practice when they do sports if they don’t feel like it
  7. You don’t make your children do anything if they don’t  feel like it
  8. They won’t let their children participate in dangerous sports like swimming (they could drown) or Basketball (they may fall) don’t even suggest football it’s out of the question. Their child can have no discomfort
  9. You fix a separate dinner for your child because they don’t like what the rest of the family is eating
  10. Your child has never stayed with a babysitter....or even their grandparents because they may let them watch tv, or eat sweets
  11. Your school age child still bed shares with you, because they may have a nightmare
  12. Your children's friends have to come to your house for playdates
  13. Your child is 17 and has never seen a PG movie
  14. You have no friends because your child is your BFF
  15. You lay your high schoolers clothes out for them every day....and they don't wear a uniform



This has been the fastest week in the history of my weeks. I feel like I just did a H54F post. Don't get me wrong I am NOT complaining. I love weekends. I'll love them more when November gets  here and I don't have to spend all of Saturday (every Saturday) at a competition. I have fun at them, but damn sometimes I want to sleep in.

So my week.....where to begin.

1. My sister reminded me that yesterday was the anniversary of me sending her a text that said "Hello my name is Inigo Montoya, you are my owner, prepare to love" She an I name our dogs after the Princess Bride. (best movie EVER) I have Westley and she had Princess Buttercup. Last year I accidentally ran over Princess Buttercup. I am still torn up over it. I loved her to pieces. You can read about it here. But I warn you its depressing. Anyway, Heather's birthday is just days from now, so I knew I wanted to get her a new lovey. She sent me a text saying she was looking at shih Tzu puppies (because we have a thing for the little fur balls) I called the number of a place that had a puppy to see if they had any left. She said she had one and I said hold him for me. I called Heather back and said, they just sold the last one. She said yesterday was the anniversary of my giving her lil Inigo. But I went back and read in the blog that it was really the 12. But hey its ok. She can celebrate whatever day she wants. I usually never re read my blog posts, but when I was looking for the post about buttercup I noticed a post about catching up on movies I want to watch. There were 14. Guess how many I've watched in the last year....3 that's sad. I really need to carve out some movie time.

2. I didn't say anything, because I didn't want anyone to worry. Abbey has had a headache for awhile now. She says 4 months, but after thinking about it, I realize its just a few months. She has band every day but Wednesdays so we finally got her in to see the dr. I have migraines, my sister has migraines. Our dr knows this, so he asked questions expecting to get migraine symptoms....nope. He kept asking hoping to get stress headache related answers.....nope. He was getting a little confused. He asked her if it hurt when he touched her head, she said yes. Headache staying steady, not really throbbing, no other symptoms. He scheduled us for an MRI later that day, and put her on an anti seizure med to stop the spasms in her veins. Abbey was a trooper when she went in to the MRI. Here she is taking a selfie of herself. Today we got the results (she texted me 200 times while she was at school, impatiently waiting for the results). Apparently she has had a sinus infection every since we all had that cold a couple months ago. I was stunned, she hasn't had any symptoms of a sinus infection either. Except for the pain. Poor baby. I'm just glad we know what it is.

3. I may have mentioned that I'm president of the middle school PTO. I had a meeting on Monday that went great. I refuse to do fundraisers where you have to sale stuff door to door. I suck at selling stuff. We just wrapped up our tee shirt order. Who doesn't like wearing a shirt with their school name on it? Especially when its also a keep calm shirt. We also have a bake sale planned for literacy night at the school, and a car/bike show.  The principle liked the idea of the car show so much he offered to donate some really old trophies for us to recycle. Downside is I've never even been to a car show before, so any and all ideas are welcome.

4. I mentioned this yesterday, but I have been walking. That's a BIG deal for me. I am really anti exercise, I finally realized that I'm not getting any skinnier while sitting on the couch. I'm starting small. A 20 minute power walk at least once a day. I actually felt bummed the day I couldn't walk because I was busy. If someone told me a month ago that I would actually be sad that I didn't get to walk, I'd have laughed at you. Its become therapeutic for me. I use to be a competitive swimmer. Being in the pool doing 200 million laps a day was where I would think. No one can bother you when your head is underwater. Since I've stopped swimming I haven't had that time to just let my mind wander. Its nice to have that back to some degree.

5. Its sad but I actually can't think of a 5th thing except that it is Friday and even though I'm not going to get to sleep in, and its suppose to rain all weekend, I may just actually get a movie watched. Of course Since Its Friday I am linking up with Lauren Elizabeth
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Exercise.....and the recipe to my asian salad

One of the things on my 101/1001 list was to develop an exercise routine and stick to it. I am very anti exercise. I would rather be curled up on my couch reading or watching junk on tv. Bad news is I've gained weight. I'm not happy about that. So finally I  talked myself into doing something about it.

I bought a pedometer. I make it a goal to walk a few short times a day. I felt like if I was doing 20 minute bursts that it doesn't really feel like exercise. It also adds up. I've been exceeding the 10,000 steps that is supposedly recommended. I've also been using the desk bike I bought for my office. I make it a point to pedal about 30 minutes a day. So far I've not seen the difference on the scale, but I do feel better. I feel a little proud of myself.

Emmy walks with me, but she pretty much just listens to her music and ignores me.

I've tried eating better too. I don't keep BBQ chips in my house anymore and limiting my dr pepper to just 2 cans a day. Some days I slip up and have 4 but I really am trying not to let that set me back. On Monday I mentioned that I made an Asian salad that was great. So here is the recipe.
Rip back open, add the dressing and almonds that are sealed inside the bag....enjoy.

How having a teenager is like having a bad roommate.

Yesterday was so serious. I don't like being serious for too long. So lets talk about something fun today. Lets talk about teenagers. Shhhhhh lets keep it a secret, but......I have a teenager, and a thinks she's a teenager. I don't ever want to look old enough to have a child her age.

My mom use to say one of these days I'd have a child just like me. My sister is smart and only has a sweet ball of fur so I have one of each of us. Yeah, I'm super lucky. One evening while waiting on Abbey to get finished with practice I starting thinking about how having a teenager is a lot like having a really bad roommate. I came up with 5. This is all in good fun.

Top 10 ways having a teenager is a lot like having a bad roommate.

  1. Dirty dishes in the sink.
  2. They expect you to do the laundry and put it away
  3. They think its a restaurant.  Emmy actually said "I'm like a man, I like to come home to my favorite food, hot and ready. Then I want a nap." Ummm yeah right.
  4. They borrow your clothes and break them. Example Grey flats with a strap and button on the side. The button fell off and she didn't tell me, she just taped the shoe back together and never said a word when she saw me put them on for work.
  5. They ask for money and never pay their portion of the bills. Kids are expensive. Especially when they are in activities. Although I must say I do love how her straight white teeth look.
  6. They expect you to chauffeur them everywhere...and their friends. At least I know where she is right?
  7. Before long she will want to borrow my car and not fill it back up with gas
  8. The house always looks like we just had a  party, that I wasn't invited to.
  9. They have expectations about your expectations for them. Emmy got her report card. It was actually awesome compared to what I expected. (believe it or not she got a B in READING!!! yeah I was stunned. Happily stunned. Her teacher keeps saying how much she LOVES to talk. I talked to her and said your report card is good, but you know we need to work on the talking. She said that she works on the 4 B's (Bacon, Bribes, Bedtime extensions, and Biddy...as in Chick a biddy the local Froyo shop) I said ok I work on the Big P. She looked confused and I explained Poop! walking Westley and scooping his poop and cleaning the litter box will now be her jobs, whenever she gets a note saying she was talking.
  10. Ok there is really only 9. But 10 sounds like a nice number for a list.


Lets talk about cheating

 There have been lots of public drama about men who can’t keep it in their pants. Lamar, I’m looking at you.  I like to carry it further than just sex. I even go further than President Clinton. See, I think if you are sending erotic pics and/or texts to someone who is not your spouse/significant other that is cheating too. Emotional cheating is just as bad in my book. Anthony Weiner, I am looking at you here... and also the married guy who sent me a message last week telling me how hot I am.  Wow! I am such a buzz kill. But, sometimes you shouldn’t stand by your man or woman.

Sunday night during the Miss America pageant, Miss Minnesota said she thought women should stand by the man they fell in love with, but that the husbands should get it together. My thought is, were the men standing by the women? Were they thinking of their wives when all of this was going down? I’d say that is doubtful.

 Here are my reasons why I don’t think you should stand by your man/woman if they are cheating.

1.      You don’t accidently cheat. It doesn’t just happen. You make a decision to send a sexy text; you make a decision to arrange a meeting. If you try to use the excuse that you were drunk and didn’t know what you were doing then you should stop drinking.

2.      Public Embarrassment. Having your spouse drag your name through the mud with him is a million times worse than walking into a fancy dinner with your dress tucked into your tights, or falling down the stairs with toilet paper on your foot while carrying a tray of glasses.

3.      Cheating is a way of checking out of your relationship. If they have checked out, what makes you stay with someone who is choosing someone else?

4.      Cheaters will cheat again unless the reason why is fixed, but honestly some guys are just selfish dumbasses and that’s the reason.  

5.      They aren’t standing by you. Why are you giving loyalty to someone who isn’t loyal to you?

I know that saying, I do is making a commitment. But I think sticking around when they don’t value that commitment is pretty unhealthy for the cheated on spouse.
I’m not trying to come off as self righteous. I will admit I cheated. My reasons were I felt unloved and alone. I felt that I could do no right, that I was ugly, fat, and useless. I wanted to feel beautiful again.  When someone started paying attention to me, I didn’t want to resist. I wanted to feel good about myself again and that meant I needed to cheat. My experience with cheating taught me a few things. One of them is I believe that just because someone cheats once doesn’t mean they always will, it just means that they will as long as they are getting needs met from the cheating. I haven’t cheated at all since I have been with Greg and I haven’t felt tempted.
I have a post planned for later this week/early next on the things my divorce taught me. I won't go into it all now. But, sometimes it really is better for the kids if they can see two happy parents that work together. Its better than two hurt, bitter, angry parents that are together for the sake of the kids. 

my Monday mystery is solved

I have been pleasantly surprised today by gaining 5 new followers and my page views are way up, and I was thinking wow I am really doing something great, I just wish I knew what that was.

I figured that out when I went to one of my favorite blogs today Not Entirely Perfect  and realized she made following my blog a way to enter her giveaway.

That absolutely made my day. If I had known today's post would have been a lot more interesting. Sorry new followers I'll try to do better when it is no longer a Monday.

Happy Monday

Its rainy and chilly here.

I actually had to turn the lights on when I came into the office. We have skylights and usually don't even need to turn the lights on, but today its too deary to leave them off.

I had a great weekend. Abbey's band did awesome! They won their class. The only bands that beat them over all were the bigger bands. Bands are classified by school size it goes from A-5A. Abbey's band was 3A last year, this year they are 4A. Greg is a 2A. Which is good since his Guard instructor and several parents already hate me. I'd be public enemy #1 if we competed against each other. Abbey sounded amazing. That kid has talent. Believe me it is sooooo hard to to say Abbey stop when she starts drumming....on my couch...car seat.....table.....I should be lucky the drum is in her room, and she does use her practice pad a lot. I took a pic but sadly I don't have the sd card with me, you 'll have to wait on a pic.

I managed to sneak off from the competition for a few hours and stop in Hobby Lobby. That store is murder on my checking account. I also got to watch some of the ball games. I forgot that the UK/UofL game was in Lexington and I was on Nicholasville when the game let out. How stupid was that.

Sunday I hung a shelf in my closet so my purses can have a nice home....I need a bigger shelf already.I also need to take a week off and deep clean my house. Not getting home until late every night and only having Sunday's free is making my house look like a frat party just happened. I also made an Asian salad. OMG I love it. I could eat this all day long. Thankfully no one else in my house liked it. So I don't have to share
I have lots of interesting posts planned for this week. I'm trying my hand  at planning a week at a time. Baby steps, baby steps.

High Five for Friday

Its Friday! I love Friday's, especially Friday's that Abbey doesn't have a football game and I can come home at a decent time. I'm also loving Friday's because it means I can link up with Lauren Elizabeth and H54F

This is the first weekend of Marching Band competitions. Which means I have no weekends free until November. Its a good thing that I think competitions are fun.

1. I helped Greg work instrument rentals for the middle school. I talked several kids into trying the Clarinet. Because Clarinet is awesome :)

2. While working rentals I noticed a poster that listed famous people that play an instrument and then listed what instrument they played. My favorite villain from Days of Our Lives apparent not only played Clarinet but played in the Metropolitan Opera in N.Y.C for two years.

3. I didn't cuss out Direct TV even after having one of my genies stopped working this week AND billing issues....oh yeah and shitty customer service. I know I've said it before, I can't wait until I can get out of my contract.
4. Katniss gets her stitches out this week. She can't wait to act like her old self again

5. I got a training developed. I'm excited about. You should totally come to Kentucky and take my training. Its called Learning in Motion. Its all about using motion to teach concepts.

Direct TV is the devil.

I absolutely hate Direct TV. I have only had them since March and its been one issue after another.
March, April and May my bill was 82. then June it was 131. I realized that I forgot to cancel the movie channels so I called to have them removed.
This is when it all went down hill. They credited my account and it then became 32.18. July my power supply stopped working. It took a week before the tech could come fix it. My bill for August was 135. Because even though I had the protection plan they billed me for the visit. I called and complained, and changed my plan to a lower plan because I figured it they were going to keep over billing me I'd rather start with a lower amount. I chose the original plan to get Discovery fit and health. I realized that that I never watch it, so what the point paying for the bigger plan. Next the box in the girls room stopped working.
It took several days for the new box to get to me.  My September bill (with me going down 2 plans) was 105. I called today to complain AGAIN. The first person I spoke to transferred me, The second guy didn't even say he was transferring me he just transferred me. At first I thought he had hung up on me.The third person I spoke to said I need to go up a package and she could add the promo I had before. I agreed. Guess what?!? They didn't add the promo so my bill went up to 115.
 I would call back but honestly I am so angry and frustrated at them.

5 ways to teach an old teacher new tricks.

Its been no secret that Emmy has dyslexia. Our struggles with the school has also not been a secret. You can just read our dyslexia story for the whole ugly history.

This year I noticed a difference right away. In both Emmy and her teacher. I'll admit before school started I was cautiously optimistic that we'd have a good year. Emmy had been working all summer on techniques to help her. I felt like we had made some progress. She has a new teacher this year. Not just new to her but a NEW, fresh out of college, only 1 year under her belt, teacher.  This may make some parents nervous. Because, how can a new teacher possibly have the skills to handle a class the way an experienced teacher can.

I started the year off like I have every year since we've known she has trouble. I introduce myself to the teacher, give her my business card with my cell number on it and stress to call me with any issue big or small that her dad and I while yes we are divorced are both VERY involved and will not hesitate to help. I also handed her Emmy's dyslexia test and results and a list of accommodations that the dyslexia specialist suggested (none of them cost anything). I left it at that.

I started noticing that She was following the important accommodations. Like limiting her spelling words and then increasing the amount as she improves, not basing her fun Friday on the number of books and AR tests she takes. I have a deep hatred for AR testing anyway. Her teacher was showing signs of really listening. We all have the same goal and I'm glad we are seeing that. The results with Emmy is that she now looks forward to going to school. She got a B on her first test and an A on a spelling test. Her grades are where we want them to be. Her attitude is where we want it to be. I am overjoyed with how the year has started. Emmy has had a little issue with a girl in her class who said how are you doing so well you have dyslexia, she also talks really slow to Emmy. The teacher has handled issues like this as well. I tell Emmy the kids are doing this because they don't know what dyslexia is. Because society is taught that if you can't read you must be slow. That we are to educated people that poor spelling and low reading level means that you have trouble spelling and reading not that you are dumb and can't learn. Its a matter of changing public opinion. I admit I use to be judgey when I would see classmates work that looked like a 3 year old wrote it. I didn't know at the time that they may just have dyslexia.

So based on what I am seeing here are my top 5 ways a new teacher can teach an old teacher.

1. New teachers take chances. Its all chances to them, they don't know if something will work until they try it. But they try and keep trying. Older teachers seem to try until something fits and then stick with it, long after its stopped really working for everyone.

2. Lesson planning. Again, its all new to the new teacher so she/he is thinking about the individual kids not pulling out a plan they've been using for 20 years.

3. Teaching/learning is fun. If I had a dollar for every time I have heard a tenured teacher say I just don't care anymore, I'm tired of fighting, or I just put my time in and go home. I would be rich and could think about retirement. New teachers are still excited and full of passion.

4. They are current on new trends/techniques. If PD's in most schools are like the schools around here its mostly the school telling you, you need this and even if it doesn't actually relate to you or your subject you have to do it.

5. New teachers haven't given up on the system yet. They still believe the state department of Ed has their best interest at heart, they still believe in their super and their principals. They haven't gotten burnt out on "teachers who can't do the job being promoted to the board office because you can't fire them"

I hope Emmy continues to have a good year. I hope her teacher never loses her drive and her passion, I hope old teachers realize that they are still making a difference and parents notice the difference.

In remembrance of 9-11 Abbey's middle school had an elaborate display set up outside. We aren't allowed to stop in the drop off lane except to let the kids out, so Abbey snapped a few pics as I was driving. Its not really clear but there is a fireman, a field with debris, the pentagon, and the towers are smoking. I have no idea how they did all of this, but it is amazing.


Top 10 ways to get attention....using Facebook

To balance out the seriousness from yesterday's grandparents day post, I thought today could be all about How to use facebook  to get the attention you are obviously craving. I guess I should make a disclaimer that I used facebook to get Greg to pay attention to me. That could be a post all its own.
No it didn't involve nudity or sexting.

Ok so here we go the Top 10 ways to get attention using face book.

1. Change your relationship status. Never underestimate the power of a well phrased relationship status. Why something isn't real until its "facebook official" is beyond me. Its best to use a really random relationship like complicated or domestic partnership, or my personal fave open relationship. If someone comments on the relationship change either say I don't want to talk about it or go into painfully detailed description. I promise people LOVE this.

2. Poke everyone you can think of. Make sure you do this every time they return the poke. I've been told that this is the equivalent of asking for a booty call, but since I never get poked except by Greg I can't be 100% sure.

3. Posting about your religious/political position and calling people violent names and threatening to delete them if they comment and question what you write. Intolerance is the way to go to get attention. The louder you shout from your soap box the better. Actually while you are at it post a bunch of status updates saying if you don't like or re post a picture of Jesus you are essentially saying you hate him and want to go to hell.

4. Overly dramatic updates about how your life sucks....bonus  points for saying you are going to kill yourself.
5. Complain. The louder the better and if you can make vague references to how much your significant other sucks and you'd be better off without them, it will make it much more interesting to read. Say you are having the worst day ever....but don't want to talk about it.
6. Speaking of Vague. Say something about making a change in your life, or that you can't wait until later etc... Be creative. The more random the better.
7. Selfies. We love selfies. Props if you can show a half naked selfie
8. unverified rumors.love hearing that if we post something as our status for just an hour some big company, like Microsoft will give us 2 million dollars, like this and end hunger today program will donate for each like to end world hunger, or that Facebook is charging, or selling all your info to zombies who are using to do determine who has brains and who doesn't. You get the idea. Any rumor that you hear, do not check snopes, just head directly to facbook as fast as you can, to share with the world.
9. Tell us what you ate today. Details are important here. We want recipes, pictures, we want you to tell us every juicy detail....Juicy....did you see what I did there?

10. Tell us about your day. Or lack thereof. We need to know what you do every second of everyday or what's the point of doing it.
Why shower if the world will never know that you are clean
Tell us how you need entertained, we will be entertained by your misspelled words.

Friends, just don't let your grandparents have a face book account. Social media and the elderly just don't mix.
I hope I have helped  you with your low self esteem. Following these rules should get you all the attention on facebook that you could ever want. Good luck!
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