Saying Goodbye

Today is funeral visitation for a woman whose house I was at more than my own when I was growing up. She in my mind was a modern day June Cleaver. Their house was always spotless, food always great, and she always greeted all the kids in the neighborhood with a smile on her face.....even the Eddie Haskell variety.

My childhood neighbor's mom passed early Tuesday morning. She'd had a headache for a few days. On Sunday night, while getting ready for bed, she collapsed. The ambulance took her to the local hospital, who wanted to fly her out, but the wind was too bad. She got transported to another hospital and she passed away from a brain aneurysm.

This has made me think A LOT about death. like reflecting on my life are preparing for the kids future. I put a monster high doll house in layaway for Emmy yesterday and when they asked who else had authority to pick it up, instead of saying no one, I listed my sister.....just in case.

Mary was a happy, healthy wife and mother and Nana just four days ago. Today her daughter did her hair and makeup for the last time.  I just can't imagine leaving my babies right now. If I did though, I'd want them to know how much I love them. How much of a blessing they are to me. How proud I am of them and how glad I am that they are mine. Id hope my extended family would know that even though they annoyed me I loved them.

I have always tried to say what is on my mind so I don't regret not saying something. Even if that something is something that they don't want to hear. Reflecting on my life I am fairly happy where I am. I have two awesome kids, a job I LOVE and lets me pay my bills. I do wish I lived somewhere else. I wish my relationship wasn't in the sucky state its in. But I guess if those are the only two complaints then I am doing well.

This has also led to a conversation between my sister and I (because we are the ones that will be in charge of planning for each other) about what we would like to see at our funerals. I know its a morbid topic but one that needs to be said whether we want to hear it or not. I like to laugh. So I have said I would really like Metallica played. Nothing crazy although Ride the Lighting or Whom the Bell tolls would be good. Just something a little serious like Fade to Black and Nothing Else Matters. I'm not sure about flowers. Honestly I just don't care, I have only received flowers 3 times in my whole life unless I bought them myself. I'm such a planner I am surprised I haven't had all this written down and already starting the pre-planning process with the funeral home my family always uses.
Because really who can I trust to be as OCD about it as I am?
 
 

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